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Breaking up

She Can't Trust You

in

Start of a question about Relationships

My girlfriend and I are in love but we are having problems. A few months back I was intersted in one of her close friends but not a whole lot happened. But my girlfriend now is having trouble with that. She has a huge problem with that cause she is constantly thinking about me and her friend together.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

Your girlfriend's lack of trust dates back to long before you both were together. I think that her obsession about your being more attracted to her friend is all a symptom of a deep feeling of being inadequate and unloveable. Beneath that feeling is the fear that you are going to dump her, because she isn't worthy of being loved.

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I Want my bf Back .. but I Think I Have Messed it Up

in

Start of a question about Relationships
my bf and i broke up about a month ago..we were in a relationship for 4 years. we broke up many times before but each time we got back ...

Start of Dr Love's Answer
You should be confused. The two of you are not honestly communicating your feelings with each other. 
 

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Fed Up

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I am an eighteen year old who has been in a releationship for the past two years. My parents don't like the guy. However, I was madly in love until a few months ago when every thing changed. I heard he was HIV positive and had many women but he claimed it's not true. To compound the issue he never has time for me and I'm fed up with this guy. He doesn't give me any thing anymore.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

Whenever I hear someone ask me what he/she "should" do, a chill runs up my spine. This is because no life decisions should be driven by the word should. Should is a word that springs from the part of the psyche called the super-ego or conscience. Guilt is the emotion that springs from this part of the psyche. What you want to be figuring out isn't what you should do but what you want to do.

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I Thought He Loved Being with Me

in

Start of a question about Dating

During the first weeks of September, I met this guy. He works next to my company and we don't live far from each other. After 2 weeks we became friends but I started to develop love for him and it was so strong.

On the 13th of September, I called him and I wanted to tell him but I didn't. Saturday he called me to come to his flat and I did and I discovered that he does love me too. On Sunday we made love with protection.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

No wonder you're confused!

This guy came on really strong in the beginning. He wanted you to come over every day, and when you didn't come he pursued you.

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He Wants to End it for Your Sake!

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Love,

Thank you for the great work you do. You saved my life a few times, and for this I am eternally grateful.

I hope you can help me again. . . I have been involved with a married man for 4 years now. I love him deeply. He turns 50 in 2 months (I am 26). He recently told me that at 50 we will have to end it between us.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

What this man is doing is nothing short of a mind screw. He says he's breaking up with you--not for himself--but for you! Obviously you are deeply attached to him and don't want to give him up.

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He Wants to Be Friends

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I have been a relationship with a man for the last 11 months everything has been real good and I mean real good. All of a sudden he tells me that we need to slow things down and not see each other as much.

My family and his spent the holidays together, or birthdays. I think that he is scared of the closeness that we have now. He says that we need to be just friends, I don't know if I can just be friends with him because I'm in love with him, want to be with him as a couple not as his friend.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

I think your assessment that this man is scared of closeness is dead on. Y

ou have two ways to handle this situation. I would say that both approaches would be appropriate. Depending upon what feels best for you as well as what you think would work best for him, you can choose either of the two approaches or a combination of both.

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Mature Man?

in

Start of a question about Dating

Dear Dr. Turndorf, I Have Been Dating My Boyfriend For About 2 And A Half Years We Are Planning On Getting Married Within The Next Year But Some Thing Is Really Bugging Me About Our Relationship,

He Is Very Immature.

I Have Had Discussions With Him About How He Needs To Save Money And Get his Drivers License And Find A Better Job. He Is 20 Years Old And He Still Lives With His Mother


Start of Dr Love's Answer

You didn't say how old your boyfriend is. If he's also 20 years old, then his behavior isn't that surprising. Men mature at a slower rate than women do. At 20 a guy isn't even fully grown up. In fact, many parts of his body, even his vocal aren't done maturing. And, his brain isn't yet fully developed believe it or not.

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Will She Take Me Back?

in

Start of a question about Relationships

hello dr. Turndorf,

my name is omar. I'm 22 years old and i live in california. I desperatly need the advice of someone with experience in relationships and hopefully you can help figure out what i need to do in my situation. Here goes.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

Wow, that was a long story. I feel like I've taken the rollercoaster ride with you.

My first thought when I read your letter was that she allowed you to mistreat her. By not having put her foot down with you much sooner, she actually condoned what was happening. Now she presents herself as an innocent victim, but the reality is there are no victims, only volunteers.

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Will I Ever Accept Myself?

in

Start of a question about Dating

Dearest Dr. Love,

I must thank you with all my heart for your precious help and for the concern you have for all those who need advice. I always read your column and I truly think that every single advice you give is brilliant and very helpful. Thank you kindly.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

When I read your kind and loving words, it struck me how generous you are with others and how unkind you are to yourself. The next thing I noticed is that you give yourself permission to put yourself down.

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Wanting a Better Home Life

in

Start of a question about Relationships

My husband and I have been together for almost seven years and married for 4 years. We both have been married before and have children from those marriages and one together, a 14 month old baby.

We met from a dating service. I moved from Canada to the US for a job promotion but shortly after being here I had to return home because I was having difficulty walking. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Right before I went back home because is when my husband and I met not face to face, just over the phone.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You have been so terribly violated by your husband, I'm still reeling from your letter. You must resume therapy and discover why you would even consider going back home to him. I can give you some clues as to why.

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