You asked me to tell you what you can do to get on with your life and to possibly win his heart back. Are you aware that you are not clear about what you want? In order to get closure, you need to first resolve your internal conflict and decide where you want to place your energy: to moving on or winning him back. In order to resolve the conflict, you need to be clear on how you feel.
First off, I apologize that this is quite lengthy, but I want to explain as best as I can, so if you would be so kind as to read it and share any thoughts, that would be wonderful. Thank you in advance for any help you can give.
Start of Dr Love's Answer
I think that you are wonderful man. Your capacity for love and loyalty is extraordinary. I understand your anguish.
Dear Dr. Love, I'm at a crossroads right now, and I don't know what to do. I'm 17 years old, and I've been secretly admiring my best friend for 3 years now. I did find the guts to tell him in the beginning, but he didn't like me and we never spoke about it again. We just got back to best friends.
Start of Dr Love's Answer
Your question was presented in a very clear way. The path that you must take is equally clear to me.
Four months ago, I got separated after 23 years marriage. I'm seeing someone but missing the ex. I am so confused because I think I love the other one. I do have feelings for her. But I don't want let go of the ex.
My stomach hurts when I think the ex is with someone or talking to someone. I just found out that she profiled herself on match. com. I read her profile and talked to her about it. She said she was lonely and needed to talk to someone.
Start of Dr Love's Answer
I understand that you left your wife in order to give her a wake-up call. Unfortunately, the wake-up call has backfired big time. You became involved with someone else and she's already begun to look for another man.
I am currently in a relationship and it's been one year with my girl now.
Start of Dr Love's Answer
You have reason to mistrust this girl.
From what you've said, she lies. So, I guess my question to you is why are you so attached to someone you can't trust. How does this fit with your history? Were you lied to as a kid? Did one of your parents lie to the other?
I been dating a great man for 8 months. He's been a widower for 2yrs+. I was separated for 2yrs and now divorced for almost 2yrs (due to infidelity on my ex-husband 's part) and have a 10yr old boy. This man I been dating has no kids.
Start of Dr Love's Answer
I hear how much you love this man and he does sound wonderful.
There are two things going on here. The first is what appears to be a resistance to let go of his wife; and the second is fear of becoming close to you.
I really need help in my current situation, which is keeping me out of order. I can't work sleep or even eat. I'm totally lost. Please be so kind and read my story and tell me what to do. I will try to cut it short as possible not to waste your time. If any details you think are essential for your judgment please ask me again.
Start of Dr Love's Answer
I hear how distressed you are and I am sorry that you are suffering so much.
Before we begin, I want to say that you addressed your letter to me as Dear Sir. Unless I'm missing something--and in reality I am, since I'm not a male, I'm a female. I'll assume that you have been too upset to notice my picture on the home page of my site.
I love your responses to the columns and I wish there were more persons like you who would do this type of job as good as you do.don't know where to start since this is really hard for me.
Start of Dr Love's Answer
What's wrong here is that you allow yourself to be mistreated again and again.
I notice that your entire life with him revolves around fooling yourself into believing that this time it's going to better or different. But a leopard never changes his spots. This man isn't capable of fidelity or commitment.
I'm divorced and had a boyfriend right away for over 3 years. He was terribly abusive and seemed to suffer from alcoholism and borderline personality disorder. Eventually, I was able to get away from him, only by cutting off all contact. I still shake when I think about how he treated me, although it's now been 3 years since I last spoke with him.
I've concentrated on myself, my career, and my child during that time. We're all doing marvelously. The crazy exboyfriend is married and completely out of my life.
Start of Dr Love's Answer
The question isn't should you celebrate, but rather do you want to celebrate your celibacy? To celebrate is to rejoice about your good fortune and it sounds to me like you are feeling rather victimized instead of fortunate.
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