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Trial Separation

Siamese Twins Separated at Birth

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Hi!

Good evening. I am Aldrin from the Philippines. I just want advice about my relationship with my girlfriend. You know I really love her ever since I met her she's always on my mind. But when she got a job, the times we've been together was less and less and there were times I cried at night asking why this happening2 Me, you know what I want always to be with her at all times everyday.

Tomorrow she will be attending a party. I want her not to go there because I want to spend that day with her.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I understand you desperately want to be with your girlfriend every moment of your life. The problem here is that you are expecting a level of connection that isn't realistic.

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Long Term Relationship on the Rocks

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Hi Dr. Turndorf,

I have been in a relationship for almost 6 years, and things have slowly gone downhill.

I love my boyfriend very much but for some reason I no longer have a desire to have sex with him or even kiss him passionately. My desire to be intimate with him ceased quite a few years ago and his frustration has now reached the boiling point - understandably!

What is wrong with me? I feel that I can't make myself have sex with him just to keep him happy. . . Help please!

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You say you love your boyfriend very much, but that you suddenly stopped desiring sex with him a few years ago. You also say that you have no understanding of why this shift has occurred.

Since you've been with your boyfriend for 5 years, almost 6, that would mean that you stopped desiring sex with him between the second and third year of your relationship.

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Rocky Relationship

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I have been involved in a very emotionally unhealthy relationship with my husband for 10 years, married for 4. Five months ago, he had a fight with my mother and I went numb inside and our whole relationship fell apart. We now have lawyers and a meeting set up to separate.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

Your question is should you concede to your husband 's wishes that you formalize the separation and let him buy you out and then date each other. Clearly this isn't what you want, which is to stay married and work it out.

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Suffering for My Son's Bad Behavior

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dr. Love

Im engaged to a wonderful man with a 7 year old. I have a 15 year old . my son is being rebellious and has betrayed my fiances trust on several occasions. we set a wedding date . Its in 4 months.

Because of my sons bad behavior , my fiance has postponed the wedding for 2 years. my son will be 18. I plan to stay with him and his son through thick and thin. I told him its now or never. A relationship is suppose to be through thick and thin.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

What a painful situation. I understand that you experience your fiancee's postponement of the wedding as a punishment for your son's misbehavior. The fact that he made a one-sided decision to postpone, rather than discussing the problem with you and coming up with a mutually acceptable solution, leaves you feeling all the more punished.

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Looking for Permission to Divorce

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I am 30 yrs old, have finally established myself professionally, have a nice house and two kids (one on the way). My wife and I married young (me 19, her 20), and had children 2 or 3 years later.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

You say that you want advice, but I don't think you are seeking advice. Your marriage is dead and staying in this life makes you a walking corpse.

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Afraid to be Intimate

in

Start of a question about Sex

Dear Dr. Love,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years since I was 15. Unfortunately my first sexual experience was forced on me by an older close friend of mine after my 18th birthday.

Since then my boyfriend and I have had trouble getting physically close because I was afraid of being hurt again. Because of that he rejected me out of heartbreak and frustration and I started seeing someone at my old work.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

What a rough ride you have had so far. Both you and your boyfriend have been so traumatized that you are scared sick and he is scared 'unstiff.'

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Should I Give up Hoping for a Reunion?

in

Start of a question about Dating

it's been over a year since my husband left our family. for some odd reason instead of the angry and hurt feeling that i had in the beginning, i'm feeling overwhelmed with the desire to have him back in my life.

i seem to miss him more than ever. am i crazy or what? i have not seen or heard from him in all this time but i know that he's intentionally avoiding us. for what reason i don't know.

should i give up on ever hoping for a reunion or should i hold on to what i Feel?

help please.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

Rather than focus on whether you should give up hoping to get back together or hold on to what you feel, I think you should try to understand the reason behind your feeling stuck on a guy who left you and intentionally avoids you. If you've been reading my columns for a while, you have heard me speak of unfinished business and the repetition compulsion.

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Lustful in VA

in

Start of a question about Sex

I have been married to a wonderful man for nearly 6 months now...He is my one and only love. There is nothing that my husband does not fulfill in my life. However, I am sexually attracted to my husband's best-friend ('Tom').

Here's where it gets wierd--my husband has consented to me having an intimate encounter with Tom. He says only that he trusts both of us fully, and that he wants me to 'experience' another man, since I have not (I lost my virginity to my husband about 6 months prior to our wedding day).

Start of Dr Love's Answer

If there is nothing that your husband doesn't fulfill, why do you want to risk destroying perfection by sleeping with another guy. Opening your legs to this man is opening Pandora's box!

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Does She or Doesn't She Love You

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I have a girlfriend and we have been going out for over a month, i know this isnt really that long but i am so in love with her its crazy. I have never felt this way about anyone before and its driving me mad, i don't know what she is feeling, which is my problem. I feel that she doesn't want me and that im just there.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You sound in a state of panic. Whenever your girlfriend is away from you, you are experiencing what I think is abandonment anxiety--that is you're afraid that she doesn't love you anymore and that she is going to drop you.

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Hoping it's Not Too Late

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dr. Love, It's unusual for me to seek out advice using this medium. . . but my friends and family must be sick of my current obsession. . . including my own therapist mother! Well. . . here goes. . .

Start of Dr Love's Answer

What an articulate letter. You have explained the problem very well. You asked for reassurance and that I can give you. He doesn't sound completely done with you and he is leaving the door open, so let's hope that you can restore the romantic side of your relationship.

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