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Monogamy

Is He Cheating?

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Start of a question about Relationships

My boyfriend and I are extremely happy. I've never been so happy and he sincerely seems to feel just the same.

So, I was shaken to the core when I recently found out that he has been checking out pics of local girls on 'myspace'. He's with me all the time, I know he isn't out actually meeting other people. And he swears that he is truly not searching for someone new. Can this be chalked up to and dealt with as male curiosity. Or is it more likely a warning sign?


Start of Dr Love's Answer

It is true that men are not monogamous by nature. As I explain in my book, in order to insure the continuance of the species, men are biologically programmed to impregnate as many females as possible! A quick look at male biology and you'll see the proof of what I said above.

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Confused Closet Case

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Start of a question about Sex

Dear Dr Love,

GREAT COLUMNS! I am a 22 closeted gay male who likes one of my best friends of 5 years (male). Throughout the 5 years we've made numerous gay jokes to and about each other. We've even sat beside each other in our boxers and tshirts before a few times, (long story).

He is kind of seeing a girl now though, and the jokes have gotten less and less. I'm pretty sure they haven't gotten that physical. He is also very discreet about their realtionship and doesn't tell me alot about things between them.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I'm glad you like my columns. I sure do put my heart into them, so I'm pleased that the effort is noticed. I wish I had a crystal ball because that 's the only way we would know for sure what is going through your friend's head.

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You Freaked When She Said I Love You

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Start of a question about Relationships

Dr Love,


Start of Dr Love's Answer

I can see why you freaked. You were crazy for Alice way back when and had a break-down when 'she left.' Since loving her, you have kept your emotions under tight wraps. You said that you 'rarely have emotional responses now.' You are actually living a defended life in which you cut-off from all kinds of emotions that could be overwhelming.

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Long and Involved Tale of Woe

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Start of a question about Relationships

Hope you can give me some advice. . . I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 months now. It's not a particularly heavy relationship, but is my first proper, monogamous, committed relationship, although I've had a lot of one-nighters and casual relationships up to now. It's taken me seven years and 75 men to find someone special enough to commit to, so you can appreciate just how important this is to me.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

You ask what you can do to improve the relationship, without losing him. What you need to realize is that nothing about this relationship is under your control. He calls the shots, and if you want to be with him you will need to take the relationship on his terms. This man is using his work and his work-outs as distancing tools.

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Wondering If My Boyfriend is Gay

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Start of a question about Sex

Dear Dr. Love:

I have caught my boyfriend looking at gay porn, answering personal ads for couples looking for a third that is male, joining Internet clubs for Gay Sex in our city. I have confronted him every time and asked if he is gay or bisexual, and he swears 'no, I'm not gay or bi'and claims he was just playing around because he was bored.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

If you've been reading my column for a while you know that human beings are bisexual by nature. Most heterosexuals are frightened to admit their homosexual desires, so they sit on them (no pun intended).

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Why Am I Not Having Orgasms During Sex

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Start of a question about Sex

hi. . i am a 16 year old girl and i have an imbarrising question when me and my boyfriend have sex i do not have an orgasm at al he has to rub on the upper part of my private part in order for me to have one and then i have to some times picture women haveing forceful sex what does this mean?? i am not a lesbian or anything am i??? and why am i not having orgasms during sex. . . please help me!!!

Start of Dr Love's Answer

First of all, almost half of all women never have orgasms during intercourse, so rest assured you are not abnormal in this regard. It is also normal that you achieve orgasms when your boyfriend rubs on the 'upper part of your private part.'

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Woman Who Wants to Understand Why Her Boyfriend Likes Strips Bars

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Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Love,

Why do men who are in happy, healthy relationships go to strip bars? My boyfriend (of 4 years) and I are both 30 something professionals. He does not go to strip bars, out of respect for my wishes. But he says he would go occasionally if I weren't so strongly opposed to it. I feel comfortable that he loves me and finds me attractive. Our sex life is mutually satisfying in both quality and quantity. (If traditional stats are to be believed, we tend toward the high end of the curve. )

Start of Dr Love's Answer

This is a great question that millions of women want answered. Men are not wired for monogamy. Simply compare the reproductive functions of men and women's bodies. When a woman becomes pregnant, she can't become pregnant for practically another year.

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Borrowing Another Woman's Man

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Start of a question about Sex

Dear Dr.Love:

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You were sure that you wouldn't be answered by me, and you were! I have the impression that you don't expect to receive much in this life. When we don't expect much, we receive little. And, this is what's happening in your relationships. You give all to men that aren't available and receive a few crumbs in return.

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New Lifestyle

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Start of a question about Dating

Dear Dr. Love,

I have been divorced for about three and a half years. Six months ago I met a man who works in the same building where I work. (He works for a different company) I was immediately physically attracted to him and he to me, so we made a lunch date. He seemed honest from the beginning and told me he had a female roommate who was divorced and needed a place to live. He also told me that she was a good friend but not a significant other. (My brother also lives with a woman who is just a friend to help share expenses, so I had no second thoughts about this)

Start of Dr Love's Answer

Your situation is quite clear. You say that you want a monogamous relationship, and wish to feel centered on, but your lover has told you point blank that he will not give up this other woman who is too important to him. Now, you are in the process of twisting yourself into a pretzel. Trying to talk yourself out of your needs and feelings.

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All-Mixed-Up

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Start of a question about Dating

Dear Dr. Love:

After placing an online personal for a mate in my area, and turning down some very compatible females because of distance, I now find myself 'in love 'with a California woman who seems to be EVERYTHING I 'm looking for in a lover.  I live in New York, however, and am the survivor of a failed move to California to be with a woman I loved then.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You say you are afraid to get 'bit by the same dog twice.' I think you mean, you are afraid to fall for someone and be rejected again. Your fears are well-founded. It sounds to me like you confuse love and lust. You've known this woman for two weeks and already you think you are in love.

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