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Level of Attraction

Does She Like Me?

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Start of a question about Dating
I took this girl on a date last weekend for the first time meeting her. We went to see a movie (bad choice). It was her idea. We laughed and talked and even made eye contact throughout the movie. After it was over she hurriedly  
left to the parking lot...It was about 12 and she may have had a curfew.

Start of Dr Love's Answer
Dear Dazed & Confused,
 
I hear that you are receiving mixed signals and that you are being driven mad. In the end, no one but she knows what's going on in her mind.
 

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More Than Friends

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Start of a question about Dating

I have been talking to and hanging out with this girl for 3 weeks and we are just friends. When we first met we started kissing and had sex. She thought she had feelings for me but then decided that she does not and now just wants to be friends.  I have feelings for her and am trying to be a good friend to her. How can I make her see that I am the guy for her.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You are in a tough spot. I feel for you. While it is true that you cannot make someone feel what she doesn't feel, it is possible for you to tip the scales in your favor! 
 

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Looking for Happiness

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Start of a question about Dating

Dear Dr. Love,

We have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 4 years now. All this time we've been living in different cities quite far away from each
other with an opportunity to meet for approximately 1 week every 2-3 months.
Till recently we had plans to get married in about 2 years (we hope to have a chance to move to one city by that time).

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I understand your predicament. You're not attracted to your boyfriend the way you should be, yet he loves you and is willing to dedicate his entire life to you.

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How do I Break Up with Him?

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Start of a question about Relationships

Last year I went out with that guy and he was absolutely beautiful! I was so in love with him. We went out for 5 months. I'm a teenager so that's a long time for me.

Anyway, he was my first love. I broke up with him because of my family, they didn't like him at all. So, I stayed away from him for about 4 months. Then we started talking again. We got back together 2 months ago. Now, in the time that we were apart, I was still very much in love with him. I mean, I broke my own heart when I left him.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You are a very sensitive and considerate person. Anyone that is initiating a break-up needs to be thoughtful of his or her soon to be former partner's feelings. And, no matter how hurt or angry or estranged we have become as a couple, we still need to handle the break-up in a way that spares the other person's ego, as much as possible.

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Anxious over Intimacy

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Start of a question about Sex

I like women OK Dr, but I feel anxious when they want sex or intimacy.

I've been with guys before and I did them a couple of times and it was OK. Why do I feel this way with women?

Dr, is it me trying to please them, or is it just not the right one? Or am I gay, and don't know it as I'm aroused by a large veiny penis, and I don't know why. (Sorry, I know that 's gross).

I think about eating a woman out Dr, but in reality I don't want to. It seems gross. Why do I feel unhappy about this when I'm with a nice lady and this crops up again? I'm so tired of this.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

Since you asked the question, Is it me trying to please them (women), I think you're saying that you give a woman sex to please her but it's not what you want.

Pursue this thought and see how it relates to your feelings about your mom. Did you have to do things that you didn't want to do in order to please her or in order to insure her love?

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Hopelessly In Love

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Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Turndorf, I have been in a relationship for three years. I have a loving boyfriend but last week my boyfriend caught me looking at an old boyfriend profile online and now is mad at me. What can I do to make things better. It's not like I have feeling for my ex-boyfriend. I love my boyfriend so much and our anniversary is coming up this month.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You say that your boyfriend is angry. I think that he is actually feeling threatened and hurt. For many men, it's difficult to admit vulnerability. Instead they hide their hurt feelings and allow angry feelings to surface instead.

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Box Spring Battle

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Start of a question about Sex

I need help in the initiating sex department. I am 35 and married with three children. I have been married for 16 years and my husband has always done the initiating.

Now he says he will not initiate and will hold out on me until I initiate. For some reason I am not sure what to do. We are not big kissers (he chews Skoal) so I never know whether he has a chew in or not-so we don't kiss very often at all.

Please help--my marriage is in trouble.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You are in a serious power struggle. Now your husband has resorted to using his penis as a power tool!

Your husband, like most men, isn't telling you how he feels. He's expressing his anger through action--setting up a power struggle.

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The Muslim Boyfriend

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Start of a question about Dating

Dr Turndorf,

I met a man about 4 years ago. We were very attracted to each other. He was married, so we stayed friends. He has been divorced for a year now. We talk all the time on the phone.

He suggests he can't date me because of his Muslim religion.

I'm 13 years older than he is. I have a teenage boy at home, so I like to keep things on a good level with him. I really care for this man. He always suggests things, says how much he wants to be with me, but never comes through. . . . . . . . . . . I still live my life.

Where do I go with this?

Start of Dr Love's Answer

This man is clearly conflicted.

He likes you but also hesitates to date you because of your different religions. The only place for you to go with this is to the discussion table. Tell him that it's clear he has mixed feelings and this explains why he's giving you mixed signals.

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Very Lonely Husband Looking to Get Out

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Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Love:

I have been married for almost 3 years now and my wife and I dated for 3 before that. Needless to say, my problem with my marriage is sex.

I am 28 and she is 31. For the whole time I have known her, she has been VERY sexually inhibited. I have, admittedly, pressured her to try to relax and enjoy the many pleasures of sex. However, now I have found us in such a rut, I don't think we can ever recover.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

Dear Very Lonely Husband Looking to Get Out,

You are in a tight spot (only not the one you had in mind!). I hear that you are basically asking me for permission to get out. I must say that I don't see much hope here.

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Where Do I Go?

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dr Turndorf,

I met a man about 4 years ago, we were very attracted to each other. He was married, so we stayed friends. He has been divorced for a year now.

We talk all the time on the phone. He suggests he can't date me because of his Muslim religion.

I'm 13 years older than he is. I have a teenage boy at home, so I like to keep things on a good level with him.

I really care for this man, yet he always suggests things, says how much he wants to be with me, but never comes through. . . . . . . . . . . I still live my life.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

It sounds like you are going nowhere with this man. He is clearly attracted to you, but also highly conflicted about being with you.

He says that he's a Muslim and that this is the reason he can't be with you. He needs to explain why he feels that his faith is an obstacle to your relationship. Obviously, this isn't clear to you.

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