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How Do I Let Go and Move on?

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Me and my girlfriend have a baby together, and we both have been with other people since we been together and we are always fighting, then we make up and its been like this for 9 yrs.

How do I let go and move on?

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You both can't let go of your relationship with each other because unfinished childhood business on both your parts is keeping you glued to each other.

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She Doesn't Care if I Live or Die!

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Hello,

I am 19 years old. Recently I broke up with my girlfriend of two years. Reasons being that I was selfish, dishonest many times, and I treated her friends like crap. However she told me she still wanted to be friends and when she gets herself situated she would get back with me.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

It sounds like your girlfriend has felt wiped out and mistreated by you for quite some time. When you pushed her to change her mind, she felt that once again your needs and wants were being put ahead of hers.

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Is There a Way to Say I Love You without Gifts?

in

Start of a question about Relationships

How do you tell someone you love them without gifts.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

The best way to tell someone you love him or her is to use your words. After all, our main mode of communication is words. Use your words to tell your beloved what you adore about him or her.

Show interest in him/her and be a good listener, especially when he/she is angry with you! On the nonverbal front, show your love by being attentive and responsive to his/her needs.

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Mature Man?

in

Start of a question about Dating

Dear Dr. Turndorf, I Have Been Dating My Boyfriend For About 2 And A Half Years We Are Planning On Getting Married Within The Next Year But Some Thing Is Really Bugging Me About Our Relationship,

He Is Very Immature.

I Have Had Discussions With Him About How He Needs To Save Money And Get his Drivers License And Find A Better Job. He Is 20 Years Old And He Still Lives With His Mother


Start of Dr Love's Answer

You didn't say how old your boyfriend is. If he's also 20 years old, then his behavior isn't that surprising. Men mature at a slower rate than women do. At 20 a guy isn't even fully grown up. In fact, many parts of his body, even his vocal aren't done maturing. And, his brain isn't yet fully developed believe it or not.

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She Acts Like a Baby

in

Start of a question about Dating

Hello Dr. Turndof. . . I'll try to make this short. A female friend of two years recently expressed that she has ALWAYS had feelings for me. I too have always felt something for her.

However, she is very immature and embarrassing in public (putting her feet on the table, yelling, eating like a 3 year old, when she is almost 16). She also dresses a bit less conservatively than I would like. . .

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You stated your position very clearly.

You're conflicted because you like this girl but can't tolerate her behavior. Her infantile and self-indulgent behavior is cause for alarm. The fact that she gives herself license to behave improperly in public, tells you that she would give herself license to misbehave in private as well.

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I'm My Husband 's Mother!

in

Start of a question about Relationships

My husband and I have a 4 year old son. We have been married for 6 mos, together for 6 years.

The trouble is, I feel like more of a mother to my husband than to our son. Kevin is 28, he works and pays half the bills. But other than that he takes no responsiblity or initiative for anything. IE: Teaching our son, playing with him, fixing-up the house, mowing, garbage night, cleaning, car-maintainance etc. . . .


Start of Dr Love's Answer

I understand that you want your husband to grow-up. Your question reminds me of the lightbulb joke, 'How many psychiatric patients does it take to change a lightbulb?' Answer: One, but he has to really want to change. Your situation with your hubbie is the same. He has to want to change--to grow-up.

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Frustrated

in

Start of a question about Sex

Dear Dr. Turndorf,

have a problem that has been bothering me for some time now and I was hoping you could help me find an answer.

I am a 21 year-old male who has always considered himself to be heterosexual. I have had successful relationships with women, both emotionally and physically, and dating has always been a high priority to me.

From reading some of your advice columns, I suppose I'd be pegged as 'androgynous:' I tend to be more sensitive, sometimes to a fault, and take a strong interest in the arts and music.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You have asked me to help you understand your newly developed homophobia. To understand why you have developed this fear, you need to understand a bit about unconscious defense mechanisms.

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Girl in Chronic Pain

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I am 17, I have several soft tissue diseases and the chronic pain that I have to endure everyday is tough on my boyfriend. He is empathetic, but not sure how to deal with it when I'm am pain.

It is a strain on our relationship and I don't want to start feeling as if I'm a burden, like I used to when I first started having the problems. He has helped me through so much in the past year, but it is getting harder on him, I know.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You have been on my mind ever since I read your letter. My e-mail program in box is so overloaded with mail that I have had to spend literally hours searching through all my letters in order to be able to find yours again. That's how much you touched me.

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Boyfriend Who is a Jeckyl and Hyde

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I'm in my first adult relationship since two years now. My boyfriend i have met, is in my class at college. We love each other a lot, so we say, but the last half year, I haven't been sure, he's telling the truth as he is constantly critisizing me on everything I do or say. He doesn't like any of my friends, especially the gay one. Who he treatens to stay away from me.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

In order to explain what is happening, I need to give you a brief rundown on how the human identity is formed.

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I Don't Want to Fight All the Time

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Ok Dr. Love, I am so happy with the guy I am with. I see us being together for the rest of my life.

Our problem is we argue about a lot. But we get over it real fast. I don't like arguing and fighting then getting all lovey dovey. I don't want to fight or argue anymore. I don't want to ruin what we have.

I love him with every once of life in me what do I do to solve my problem. I try ignoring what would make us argue but then it builds up and that isnt good.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

This is a very important question. Chronic fighting does erode a relationship, so we need to help you both learn how to discuss your difficult issues. I have a new book coming out in January called, 'Till Death Do Us Part' ( Unless I Kill You First): A Step-by-Step Guide for Resolving Marital Conflict. I want you to buy the book when it comes out and put it to use.

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