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Abuse (Verbal)

Should I Leave?

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Start of a question about Relationships

I'm in a rocky relationship with my fiancee of one year, Our wedding is approaching shortly and last night we had a hellacious fight.

In the past we have both been physically and verbally abusive towards each other but we have made some good progress. When she gets upset now she will hit me, slap me, kick me, and I feel like a sissy if I was to call the police. Should I leave?

Start of Dr Love's Answer

Your girlfriend needs to be told that she is no longer allowed to put her hands on you during a fight. She may not slap, kick or hit you any more. If you put your foot down with her and she knows that you mean business, then your word is the law and she will know that you mean business.

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I Have a Right to a Sex Life in My Own Home

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Start of a question about Relationships

I've been a widow for 4 years. My husband suicided because I fell in-love with another man (after 18 years of fidelity) and he decided he couldn't cope.

My daugher is now 14, I also have an 11 year old son. Everytime I have a boyfriend. . . which is not very often these days, she stays up as late as possible when they visit (even though I indicate to her she should go to bed).


Start of Dr Love's Answer

What a miserable situation you're in. I think that you have accurately assessed the cause of your daughter's behavior--she blames you for her father's death. The problem is that she isn't speaking about her feelings with you, she's acting them out in the most monstrous way.

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I'm Desperate

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Love,

I desperately need some advice! I have just recently broke up with my boyfriend. Where to start. I am 36 and he is 28. We never really thought the age was a problem.

We dated for about 7 months before moving into a manufactured home that we designed together and split the down payment on. His family is a farming family and he really hasn't 'cut the apron strings' so until I came along his mom and dad made all his major decisions for him including making his doctor 's apts. for example.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

It sounds like you want to get back with this man and work out your problems. At the moment, however, he is resisting getting back together, so the decision to start over is out of your hands, for now.

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Hanging on by a Prayer

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dr. Love, this afternoon my spouse called me a dumbass twice in front of our three small children and my teenage son when he became irritated with me during lunch. This isn't the first time that this has happened in our 4+ year old marriage (2nd time around for both of us). I replied back with, well that 's mature calling me names.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I hear you saying loud and clear that you don't want to leave this man. You have also said that you want to work your marital problems out. Only one problem. It takes two to tango. Your husband refuses to go into individual or marital therapy. Plus, he refuses to be responsive to your limit setting.

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Wondering How to Help His Girlfriend

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Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Love, I had a 4 year relationship with a man who is a dear person but had a tragic childhood. He and 2 brothers were raised by a paranoid schizophrenic mother who alternated between being very loving and abusiveness.

When his father gained custody of them, they had a stepmother who was verbally abusive. I could not live with his explosive temper, but we remained friends and he now has had a relationship with another woman for many, many years. She and I get along well.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

What a lovely woman you are. Taking the time to help out an old boyfriend's girlfriend is quite unusual indeed. Here's what you need to tell her to tell him.

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Abused Fiance

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dr Love, I hope you answer my e-mail because I don't know where else I can turn.

My boyfriend of 6 years calls me names and says I am fat. If we disagree he get so angry, he calls me lots of nasty names. Last night he knuckle the top my head. I love my boyfriend but I am not sure why I put up with the way he treats me.

I have never been abused before and come from a very loving family. My boyfriend's mum was beat by his dad for years, her brothers threw him out eventually. She still says its just the way he was.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

I am sorry to hear how you are being treated. Because you were raised in a loving family, you are unfamiliar with how to handle another person's aggression. Since you are untrained in this area, your fiance is walking all over you.

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A Man in a Seemingly Cumbersome Situation

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Start of a question about Sex

Dear Dr. Love,

I, first off, would like to applaud you for the wonderful service that you are providing to people that, may otherwise, be unable to find someone or be unable to afford the services that you are providing.

In doing some research, I happened to stumble upon your site and was astonished to find that someone is actually trying to help people and doing it for free. Thank you for all your time and effort.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

Thank you very much for your words of appreciation. You have understood my intentions exactly. I created this site in order to make therapy available to people who don't have access, for various reasons.

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A Lost Soul

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Love

I read some of the replies to letters you have answered and I felt that you would be able to help me. I will try to give as much information concerning my problem. Here it goes.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

Your girlfriend is lucky to have such a devoted boyfriend.

This is a high maintenance relationship and it almost feels like you are carrrying her on your back. In answer to your first question, how can you help her deal with her problems, I think we need to encourage her to talk to a therapist.

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Sad and Hurtin'

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Love,
I hope you can be of some assistance to me as I am at the end of my ( emotional) rope.

My Fiance and I recently broke up after 6 years, and the only explanation given was that she'Fell out of love'. Here is a little background so you may asses the situation:

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I totally see why you are suffering. I think that your girlfriend's confusion is directly related to the death of her father. As you said, as much as she hated him, he was her father.

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