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Cheating

Long Distance Lovelorn

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Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Love,

I am hoping that you can help me. I have been in a relationship with a guy for several months, and things up to this point have been going very well. Since the start, we see each other frequently, talk every day, etc. We have had our arguments, but nothing really serious.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

Dear Long Distance Lovelorn,

I hear how worried you are that you might lose this man. In reality, this guy has already abandoned you by taking the promotion. He never discussed it with you and simply took the transfer.

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How to Trust Again?

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My wife and I have been married for 30 years. We are now separated and she is trying to find herself. She claims she doesn't know what she wants. She's afraid she may ruin everything.

For many of our years, I haven't been there for her emotionally. She claims to still love me but not as husband or lover. She had an affair about 3 years ago and she doesn't seam to want to repair the damage.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You say that your wife had an affair and doesn't want to repair the damage. Since she can't undo the affair, what can she do to repair the damage? Apologize profusely? Act penitent? Try to make it up to you?

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Girl Whose Boyfriend Went Berserk When He Found Out That She Kissed Another

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Dear Dr. Love,

Hi. I'm Mary. . .and I'm 15. I hope you please answer this question in your column. . .it's very important to me.

Start of Dr Love's Answer
You are correct that you did nothing wrong. But, your boyfriend is very psychologically fragile and he experienced your previous attachment as a betrayal. Never mind that his reaction is illogical. Feelings are rarely logical. It sounds to me like your friend was very damaged early in his life, and your comments about having cared for another, ripped open an old abandonment wound of his.

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Don't Know?

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Tell me what happened. I've been there for her. I was there when she needed a shoulder to cry on, a hug, a kiss, and mostly of all a hand!!!

She cheated on me about 7 times, but I was so determined to help her. That was my goal and dream for me and her. Slowly I was doing a good job, and she was doing what I was telling her, but at the end it just seemed that I wasn't enough for her or my heart or even my love.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

Your question what did I do wrong is the clue to your problem.

I know that you were raised by a parent (or parents) who abused you and didn't love you properly. All abused kids try to take care of or fix the damaged parent. Because all children feel omnipotent (meaning, all powerful), they actually believe that they do have the power to fix their parents.

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How to Love a Husband Who Cheated After 24 Years

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How can I love a husband who cheated after 24 years?

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You have a long road ahead of you both! Beware of the temptation to think that your real problem is the fact that he cheated. Cheating is a symptom that something is deeply wrong with the marriage. In all cases, cheating is an act of aggression against the person upon whom you are cheating. The cheater is saying 'screw you' via his unfaithful behavior.

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Is it Time to Take My Leave?

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I have been married for 12 years. Last year, I found out that my husband has cheated on me for the past 3-5 years.

He promised it's over between them as she is getting married and gone back to Indonesia. The suspicion of him cheating still lingers in me since then. Little sperm stains are found on his briefs almost every week!

The last time we had sex was last year. Women have discharge. Do men have sperm discharge too without ejaculation?

If there is no sperm discharge without ejaculation, it's time for me to take my leave.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You ended your letter by saying if there's no sperm discharge without ejaculation then it's time for you to leave. What I really think you're saying is that if the discharge you see indicates that he's ejaculated, then he must be cheating on you.

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Is He Cheating?

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My boyfriend and I are extremely happy. I've never been so happy and he sincerely seems to feel just the same.

So, I was shaken to the core when I recently found out that he has been checking out pics of local girls on 'myspace'. He's with me all the time, I know he isn't out actually meeting other people. And he swears that he is truly not searching for someone new. Can this be chalked up to and dealt with as male curiosity. Or is it more likely a warning sign?


Start of Dr Love's Answer

It is true that men are not monogamous by nature. As I explain in my book, in order to insure the continuance of the species, men are biologically programmed to impregnate as many females as possible! A quick look at male biology and you'll see the proof of what I said above.

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Infidelity

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 My husband and I have been married for 22 years. Raised two children 33 & 29 from my first marriage (no children between us). My problem and question is this:

He cheated on me the first year that we where married, but I did not find this out until 14 years later. He promised me that he would never betray or hurt me like this again. Well, in 2005 he started a phone romance with a radio personallty locally to where we live. I accidentally found out this and was devastated and hurt beyond all reason.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

Your husband is shifting blame onto you and not taking responsibility for his own behavior. He says he's drinking to excess because you haven't forgiven him for his phone flirtation. Hello. How did he manage to shift the focus onto you? He's the one who's drinking, not you.

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Please Help I Don't Know What to Do

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Me and my boyfriend have been together for five and a half months but we don't see each other often because he lives so far away. He tells me he loves me everyday over the phone and last night I rang him to see if I could come down to meet up with him.

He said no I can't because he has to go to college and I thought well it's the six weeks why would college be open so I checked the college site he goes to and end of term was on 30th June and it isn't open.

I have a feeling he might be cheating on me but what should I do?

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I hear how worried you are that he's cheating. My first question is could there be any reason why he would have to go to his college after the term has ended. You say the college is closed. Does this mean that no activities are going on at the campus? Are the gates locked? In other words, is it possible that he could be doing something at college other than taking classes?

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He's Issued an Ultimatum

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Hi Dr. Love.

I am a college female and I am desperate for advice. I am in a two-year relationship with someone that I love so much, but when he does something wrong I let him get away with it after staying mad for a day or so.

However, I only did one thing wrong by not trusting him and he wanted to break up until I begged him not to. He set down rules such as I cannot look at his cell phone or ask where and with whom he goes on the weekends.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

First thing, no decisions should be made in the heat of anger. Second, let's talk about what you call your habit of letting him get away with doing something wrong. What exactly does this mean? Do you mean that you don't lay down rules like he does? Does it mean that you act out your anger rather than tell him in words what he's said or done that you don't like?

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