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Passive Aggression

Needy

in

Start of a question about Sex

I've been married for 16 yrs now. And I've only been intimate with my husband.

For the past 3 months my husband has been unable to keep an erection, he has spoken with his doctor and it's been determined that this may be medically related. His doctor prescribed Viagra, but my husband complains about the side effects and refuses to take them or anything else.

I'm worried that 34 yrs old is too young to go without being satisfied. Thank you from NEEDY

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I think there is more to this story than meets the eye. If it is true that your husband's doctor suspects that a medical condition (such as diabetes, high blood pressure, stress or depression) is causing his erectile dysfunction, then why isn't the doctor treating that condition?

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He Puts You Out by Not Putting Out

in

Start of a question about Sex

Dr. Love,

My boyfriend and I are obviously in a rut. I'm going to stop pressuring him about marriage, money, and our future. But I can't even get sex out of him. I am tired of asking him.

I'm a very attractive girl and I've never had to ask. When I think he wants to he makes it to be funny. Like so baby you want my dick? I told him it wasn't funny to joke on a sore subject.

I don't know what to do I am so stressed out from my two jobs you think he would see I need it and give to me. Please help I'm so over being hurt by guys.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You're in more than a rut with your boyfriend. Not only won't he put out sexually, he refuses to give to you on any other level either. You're dating a passive aggressive.

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How Do I Restore a Mediocre Sex Life

in

Start of a question about Sex

Definitely need advice.  My husband has been on Tranxene's for that last 20 yrs. He is also on high blood pressure medication. We all know hose two meds, can deprive an encounter in the bedroom. He just recently had another anxiety attack, and the drs. are weaning him off of Tranxene but replacing it with Zoloft and Xanax.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

Whoever you're listening to on the radio isn't me. For one thing, I'm not so young; for another, I wouldn't recommend candles as a solution to the complex relationship disturbance that you are experiencing!

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How Can I Get Him to Want me Without Getting on My Knees First?

in

Start of a question about Sex

My question, I think, is a fairly common problem amoung a lot of people. I have been w/ my boyfriend for three years. We had great sex when we started dating. All the time and everywhere. Now things are different. He rarely touches me anymore.

If we do have sex, I have to intiate it all of the time, which is really beginning to irritate me because I get nothing out of it. His stamina has dropped greatly. I am lucky if I get 5 minutes out of him.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You have a big problem. The first thing you want to do is to rule out mental and physical illness. Medical conditions of various kinds can affect a person's sex drive and performance. Likewise, people who are depressed often feel tired and without sexual interest.

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How to Defeat the Ghosts

in

Start of a question about Dating

I have been seeing a great girl for a while now. She is kind, caring, and shares the same interest. My problem is that I keep having thoughts of my EX that I left a year ago. I had a perfect relationship with her at first but then she cut herself off from me. She was passive- aggressive and I couldn't get her to communicate. I still don't really know what the real cause was. I tried for years actually and finally gave up. This girl I'm seeing now isn't as pretty as the EX but great in every other way. I keep have these thoughts about the EX even though she was very cruel to me at times.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

As I have said many times, whenever a person can't shake a feeling, a memory or can't let go of a person or relationship that is damaging or whenever one experiences a disproportionately strong reaction to a given situation, it is sure that unfinished childhood business is afoot. Your problem is that you can't let go of the ghost of your ex.

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He Won't Propose

in

Start of a question about Relationships

My boyfriend and I have spent 5 years together. We met in our first year of med. school. Since graduating, I am living a 4 hour drive form him. He has to take his lisencing exams before we can get engaged.

He wants to take it soon, but he is not studying. Whenever I ask him 'how r ur studies'i get yelled at.

How do i get him to study without making him angry?

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You have an agenda that includes trying to get your boyfriend to study, so that he passes his exams, so that he can finally become engaged to you. Each time you ask about his studies, he feels pressured with a capital p.

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Wife With a Flirtatious Husband

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Love, My husband & I have been married for 8 years. He has a very outgoing personality. The problem is that is flirts with women.

On several ocassions, while we were out with friends, he even bought them drinks and stood talking to them while I was left looking like an idiot with our friends. This makes me feel like dirt!

I've told him how I feel about this and when I ask him why he does it all I ever get is, 'I don't know.' I feel that if he can do this in front of me, what will he do when I'm not around.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

You asked me to give you insight into the meaning of his behavior. I can throw out several theories. Realize that without his confirmation, we are only guessing. What we really want is for him to get in touch with himself and explain the meaning of his behavior.

Here are some possibilites:

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Irate

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Love,

I am irate! My live in boyfriend of 14 months gets 4 weeks a year vacation, I only get one. He has talked for months about taking me to a small town in Florida. So, we plan this vacation. I get the time off and now, he can't seem to get off from his job! I am stuck with no where to go and nothing to do for 9 days! He mentioned taking off to this same little town by himself when he gets his 'vacation time'.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I can see why you are furious. This guy has really pushed your buttons. In fact, your guy sounds passive aggressive to me, that is, he gets his rocks off by withholding what you want. And, you are so correct, blasting him with raw rage will do no good.

You have several options for how to discuss your angry feelings:

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