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Possessiveness

Siamese Twins Separated at Birth

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Hi!

Good evening. I am Aldrin from the Philippines. I just want advice about my relationship with my girlfriend. You know I really love her ever since I met her she's always on my mind. But when she got a job, the times we've been together was less and less and there were times I cried at night asking why this happening2 Me, you know what I want always to be with her at all times everyday.

Tomorrow she will be attending a party. I want her not to go there because I want to spend that day with her.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I understand you desperately want to be with your girlfriend every moment of your life. The problem here is that you are expecting a level of connection that isn't realistic.

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Relationship Jealousy

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Hello,

The question I have is regarding jealousy in a relationship. I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 26. Our relationship was amazing in the beginning. We both shared the same goals, values, and interests. We both have no children and have never been married but we want to get married and have kids together and soon; however, he tends to be more and more jealous and possessive as time goes on.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

If you've been reading my columns for a while or you've read my book, you know that all relationship woes can be traced to unhealed childhood wounds. In the case of your boyfriend's jealousy, I am sure that he suffered some type of abandonment in his childhood.

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She is Friendly with Her Ex and You're Not Liking it

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Turndorf,

I've been dating my girlfriend for about a year and five months. Recently we've been having problems.

I found out that her ex-boyfriend that she only went out with for three months in the past had called her at her job to talk to her again or whatever his intensions are. But my girlfriend gave him her cell number. She is the type of person that thinks that talking to any guy from her past is ok.

She never loved her ex. I am her first love, so she considers her ex-boyfriend as a friend, so she says.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I understand that you are feeling threatened. You say that you would be comfortable if your girlfriend were friendly with men that you know, but you aren't comfortable with her being friendly with an ex-boyfriend.

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Relationship Jealousy

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Hello,

The question I had was regarding jealousy in a relationship. I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 26. Our relationship was amazing in the beginning. We both shared the same goals, values, and interest. We both have no children and have never been married but we want to get married and have kids together and soon

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You are in a tough spot with your boyfriend. The first thing I would do is ask your boyfriend if there is anything that you are doing--without realizing it--to make him doubt your fidelity.

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Wanting a Better Home Life

in

Start of a question about Relationships

My husband and I have been together for almost seven years and married for 4 years. We both have been married before and have children from those marriages and one together, a 14 month old baby.

We met from a dating service. I moved from Canada to the US for a job promotion but shortly after being here I had to return home because I was having difficulty walking. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Right before I went back home because is when my husband and I met not face to face, just over the phone.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You have been so terribly violated by your husband, I'm still reeling from your letter. You must resume therapy and discover why you would even consider going back home to him. I can give you some clues as to why.

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He Has a Friend that You're Not Willing to Accept

in

Start of a question about Relationships

dear dr. love,

my boyfriend and i have been together off and on for the last 4 years. once again we are giving it another shot and i really feel that it is going to be forever this time, except for this one little problem, he has a 'friend' that i am not willing to accept.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

I don't know why you feel so confident that the relationship is going to work this time. From where I sit, it looks like you have a major problem. You don't feel comfortable having separate social lives, while clearly your boyfriend does. On the most obvious level, you are both highly imcompatible. But there is much more to this story that simple incompatibility.

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Two Girls Wanting the Same Guy

in

Start of a question about Dating

Dearest Dr. Love, I must tell you that I'm eternally thankfull to God for making wonderful and caring people like you. I admire your work and I wish you all the love, happiness, success and peace in the world. I hope you'll be able to answer my questions and help me understand things clearly. Here it goes. . .


Start of Dr Love's Answer

I was touched by your loving words and good wishes. When I read your letter, it struck me that you are loving to others, like me, but not so loving of yourself. You say you have a low self-esteem, and I'm not surprised.

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Afraid of Adopting a New Behavior

in

Start of a question about Dating

Hello Dr. Love,

I am a 36 year old woman who is happy with myself and my life and need some professional advice. Upon reflection, I have realized that virtually every man with whom I've been in a relationship has been emotionally inaccessable. This fact probably isn't a surprise to a psychologist as my father died when I was only 6 years old and I even consiously used to think 'this time I'm going to win'.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

You remind me of the man who is attracted to sexy blonds who break his heart. One day he vows to only date dowdy matrons for whom he has no attraction, thinking that this plan will protect him from heartache.

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Locked in a Viscious Cycle

in

Start of a question about Relationships

i used to be a part time musician-i made some mistakes ie:drugs, cheating) -my wife has been with me all this time (18 yrs)the problem is i have a burning desire to perform. i am miserable without this outlet. i have an opportunity to perform at a local spot that has been a lifelong dream. my wife demands that i say no. what do i do?? it's tearing our marriage apart.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I totally understand what's happening: the more your wife tries to hold you back, the more suffocated you feel, and the more you pull away. The more you pull away, the more she clings, and voila, you are locked in a vicious cycle. For you, being a musician is synonymous with freedom.

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Twenty One Year Old Who Has Cut Off From the World

in

Start of a question about Dating

Dear Dr. Love. . . . I am a 21 year old male. . . . very idealistic and I have never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, and never been on a date. I could never dream or agree with having casual sex with someone. In order for me to consider it, there has to be real love involved. I am old fashioned and I am afraid. I have no desire to engage in actual intercourse with anyone. . . I am somewhat afriad of sex.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I totally understand what's happening to you. You are actually starving for love and connection; when you do become involved, a bottomless pit of need wakes up, you latch on to the other person for dear life and become obsessed. This is such an unpleasant and out-of-control feeling for you, that you protect yourself from this experience by keeping yourself far from attachments.

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