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Emotional Disclosure

How do I Break Up with Him?

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Last year I went out with that guy and he was absolutely beautiful! I was so in love with him. We went out for 5 months. I'm a teenager so that's a long time for me.

Anyway, he was my first love. I broke up with him because of my family, they didn't like him at all. So, I stayed away from him for about 4 months. Then we started talking again. We got back together 2 months ago. Now, in the time that we were apart, I was still very much in love with him. I mean, I broke my own heart when I left him.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You are a very sensitive and considerate person. Anyone that is initiating a break-up needs to be thoughtful of his or her soon to be former partner's feelings. And, no matter how hurt or angry or estranged we have become as a couple, we still need to handle the break-up in a way that spares the other person's ego, as much as possible.

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How Long Should I Wait?

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Hi, during my studies at the university I met a guy in my class. Soon, he became my best friend. We used to go everywhere together, eat together, go to parties together. When everyone asked us if we are dating we used to tell them no we are best friends.

When we finished the university I felt that I loved him. I tried to show him & he knew about it, but neglected the situation. He wanted to keep me his best friend. one day my friend saw him hugging a girl & he told her that it was his girlfriend. She told me & I told him why didn't you tell me?


Start of Dr Love's Answer

There are no rules when it comes to how long you should wait. You have to follow your heart.

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He's Got Cold Feet

in

Start of a question about Dating

MY BOYFRIEND AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR A YEAR. WE LIVE AN HOUR APART AND IT HAS BEEN HARD BUT WE HAVE MADE IT.

WELL, WE SAID IF WE WERE TOGETHER A YEAR ONE OF US WOULD MOVE TO LIVE TOGETHER. HE MOVED TO MY HOME TOWN, AND AFTER A WEEK SAID HE NEEDED TO GO HOME AND TAKE CARE OF A FEW THINGS.

WHEN I ASKED HIM WHAT OUR PLANS ARE, HE SAYS WE ARE PLAYING IT BY EAR. I WANT PLANS AND GOALS THOUGH. WE GET ALONG GREAT AND I HAVE TWO KIDS THAT HE IS GREAT WITH.

BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE HE IS UNDECIDED. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Start of Dr Love's Answer

It sounds like your boyfriend has cold feet. He moved to your hometown but he didn't move in with you as you had agreed one of you would do.

I would talk to him. Tell him that he seems undecided and ask him to talk about his mixed feelings.

Ask him how he feels about you and the relationship. What works for him and what doesn't? Ask him what part of him wants to hold back.

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He Has No Interest in Sex

in

Start of a question about Sex

I am happily married, however my husband has no interest. We have been married for six years, and haven't had sex in over a year. I have done a psych self exam about my weight, attitude, and sought advice of many others. I am in my forty's and am really very interested in sex. However-- my husband, who is 45 seems less than interested. Please advise--

Start of Dr Love's Answer
You've done a lot of good work. What I didn't hear you say is whether you've talked to him. There are many possible reasons for a diminished sex drive. The reasons can range from health problems, such as dwindling testosterone levels, to emotional problems, such as stress, anxiety, or depression. The lack of drive can also be due to interpersonal issues, that is problems that

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Please Help I Don't Know What to Do

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Me and my boyfriend have been together for five and a half months but we don't see each other often because he lives so far away. He tells me he loves me everyday over the phone and last night I rang him to see if I could come down to meet up with him.

He said no I can't because he has to go to college and I thought well it's the six weeks why would college be open so I checked the college site he goes to and end of term was on 30th June and it isn't open.

I have a feeling he might be cheating on me but what should I do?

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I hear how worried you are that he's cheating. My first question is could there be any reason why he would have to go to his college after the term has ended. You say the college is closed. Does this mean that no activities are going on at the campus? Are the gates locked? In other words, is it possible that he could be doing something at college other than taking classes?

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Box Spring Battle

in

Start of a question about Sex

I need help in the initiating sex department. I am 35 and married with three children. I have been married for 16 years and my husband has always done the initiating.

Now he says he will not initiate and will hold out on me until I initiate. For some reason I am not sure what to do. We are not big kissers (he chews Skoal) so I never know whether he has a chew in or not-so we don't kiss very often at all.

Please help--my marriage is in trouble.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You are in a serious power struggle. Now your husband has resorted to using his penis as a power tool!

Your husband, like most men, isn't telling you how he feels. He's expressing his anger through action--setting up a power struggle.

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He Keeps Talking About his Ex

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Hi I am a 16 year old girl who lives in PA.

I have finally found someone who I truly care about and I opened up to him and told him everything about me. No matter how hard it was for me to tell him I did, but I met him over the internet and we talk every night on the phone.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I understand your pain and frustration. The way he talks about his ex makes you feel like you aren't his number one girl. Then, when you try to tell him, he doesn't understand how you feel, which makes you feel even less cared for. No wonder the situation seems hopeless.

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How Can I Get Him to Listen to Me?

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I am hoping that you can offer some advice for my situation. My boyfriend & I have been together for a year now, and we have just moved in together.

The last month or so I have started to have my doubts about the future of our relationship. My initial reaction was to ignore them, thinking that with time they would just go away, but so far, they haven't, and seem to be getting stronger.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

First you need to listen to yourself. You have reason to be worried about whether this relationship can work.

Tell him exactly what you told me. That is, calmly describe exactly what he's doing and how you feel about it.

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Relationships and Depression

in

Start of a question about Relationships

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2yrs. He suffered from depression before we met and he did have it under control. He recently changed psychiatrists and meds. then about a month ago the doctor increased his dosage.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I hear how tortured you are and I am so sorry for you. First of all, I don't understand why his medications were changed. From the way you described it, his depression was under control, then he switched psychiatrists and medications and he took a nose dive.

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I'm Begging Him and it Pushes Him Further Away

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Turndorf,

I need your help I have really messed up a good thing. I have been with my current boyfriend for 3 and a 1/2 yrs. He is in the military and I met him when I had a brother in the military who passed away suddenly.

I was in a bad marriage and had filed for divorce. Well anyways, 18 months ago I followed my boyfriend to Maryland. I'm from Vermont I love this man with my heart and soul.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

If I understand your boyfriend felt betrayed by you because you began smoking cigarettes and didn't tell him so. The relationship ended abruptly after he caught you smoking.

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