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Honesty

He'd Rather Give Himself Pleasure

in

Start of a question about Sex

My boyfriend of four years has been looking at a lot of porn lately, it's like every time I leave the room he is looking at it and plesuring himself. As soon as I go to sleep he is watching it again. He never tries to put moves on me.

When I try to put the moves on him he pushes me away. It's like he would rather pleasure himself rather than make love to me. So I am just wondering what I should do.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

The first thing you need to know is that behavior is a communication. When feelings aren't put into words, they invariably end up getting communicated through behavior.

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Not Sure She'll Drop By

in

Start of a question about Dating

Well I happen to like this girl, but she is from a conservative family and doesn't go out with anyone. So i have difficulty meeting her.

I initially wanted to be friends with her but I actually am looking for a long term relationship. I talk to her almost everyday online but i am never sure when she'll drop by. I seriously don't want to lose her.

Could you help me out in this.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

It is clear that you care deeply for this girl. Why don't you open your heart to her. Tell her exactly what you told me.

That you care for her and want to have a relationship with her. Tell her that you are never sure when she'll drop by and you would like to figure out a way of having more frequent contact. Tell her you don't want to lose her.

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Second Thoughts about his Truthfulness

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I am in love with an ex. He and i both are married and he insists on staying in his marriage.

What could be his sole purpose for pursuing me this late in life? He says he still loves me and I him, but I have second thougts about his truthfulness.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You say you have second thoughts about his truthfulness. You need to trust your own inner wisdom. Ask yourself why you feel that he's isn't being forthright with you.

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How Can I Get my Family Back?

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I have been going with this girl for about 3 years of and on. This last time I lived with her for a year and a half. She has a little girl 4 years old who I'm very close to. I was with her more than anybody.

We both lost our jobs about the same time, mine due to a work injury. We were stressed out and I was getting depressed. I finally got help for that but it was too late. She told me to get out and when I was in the hospital she got rid of my stuff. I still can talk to her and she talk to me just not about us.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

What a sad story. It feels like she's tied your hands.

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Don't Know What to Do

in

Start of a question about Dating

I have a very important question and I hope you answer it because it is bothering me really bad.

Ok me and my boyfriend have been going out for a while, about 4 months. My friends have been telling me that he has been saying that he really doesn't like me and that I am ok but he doesn't really like me.

I really love him and I don't want to break up with him at all. . I asked him about it and he said it's not true. I want to believe him but I really trust my friends. I just don't know what to do.

Will you please help me? Please? thanks a lot.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I can understand why you are upset. Somebody isn't telling you the truth. You need to ask yourself, who would have a reason to lie to me? Your friends? Your boyfriend?

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Did I Bring Up the Serious Talk too Soon?

in

Start of a question about Dating

Dear Dr. Love

My relationship of 9 months recently ended because my ex-boyfriend admitted to not loving me, though he liked me a lot and wanted to continue dating me.

He also said he was pretty sure I wasn't his life partner. We had been having relationship talks for the past 2 months because on Valentine's Day I was upset at him for falling asleep after dinner, when I was looking for a bit of 'romance'. Once he woke up we talked about it & I forgave him. . but that night I kept having a lot of anxiety.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You have given me a clear picture of what went wrong. Here's my understanding of what happened.

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Classic Tragedy Guy

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Love,

Oh, if you're reading this perhaps my luck has turned. I tried to find something pertinent to my situation in your archives, but to no avail.

I've never been so messed up over a woman. I've only known her for a month, but the more I learn about her, the stronger my feelings get. I'm a (normally) level headed 29 year old guy who's been married young and divorced several years ago. Throughout my personal love quest, I've met a fair amount of women but never, ever, anyone who's affected me like her.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

This woman sounds utterly traumatized by past relationships and terrified to take another plunge. You called it right when you said that you're in a holding pattern. She is frozen in place and there is no progress. You are turning yourself into an emotional pretzel--trying to turn off your longing for more than a friendship when this isn't how you feel at all.

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Your Husband is Immature

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dr. Love,

My husband and I often get short tempered and snappy at each other. He can be very immature and It annoys me to the point that I just don't want to deal with him. Some of his behaviors involve meowing in public, screaming at me while I'm driving and humming the theme song to his favorite television show (Only the first 3 measures) over and over again.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

It sounds like your husband is furious with you and the way he expresses this fury is by behaving in ways that annoy you--just like a kid would do.

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You're Coming Up Dry

in

Start of a question about Sex

Dear DR. Love,

My husband and I have been married for 2 yrs. He's the most wonderful man I know. My age is 33 and he is 44 the problem is that when we first got together he would take the time to make sure I was pleased before he was or even after him. But now he doesn't take time or doesn't care.

When we first got together he'd make me so pleased that I felt as if I was urinating all over, and now I stay dry. I know he has to notice the difference, but nothing is said. How can I bring this up so that our love making satisfies us both?

Start of Dr Love's Answer

The only way to deal with this issue is head on (no pun intended). You say that your husband isn't taking the time to give you adequate foreplay. This lack of attention is a form of nonverbal communication.

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Wondering How to Help Him Reconnect to You

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I just picked up your book and within the first 30 pages read the clearest outline on the downward spiral of my marriage - and I have reads LOTS of marriage books!

We have only been married 1 1/2 years but are already in stage 3. We came from families with very different conflict styles - his avoided and mine fought it out. As soon as we hit our first conflict (on our honeymoon :-( he began to withdraw. Within a year he had begun to question why he had married me, erase all our good times, had an 'emotional' affair and now cannot even connect with any love for me.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

I am afraid that you have a very tall order in front of you. The fact that your husband has already disconnected from you and shows no love for you isn't a good sign. The fact that he has already moved out is also not encouraging.

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