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Patience

Is He Going to Dump Me for Another Girl?

in

Start of a question about Sex
I'm 15 years old and have just fallen in love with a handsome guy. We've been in love for 3 months, but haven't had sex yet. My friends tell me I must move fast or else I'll lose him. We have never spoken about sex. What must i do? 

Start of Dr Love's Answer

What an excellent question. First of all let me say that your friends are quite wrong.

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He Wants to Be Friends

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I have been a relationship with a man for the last 11 months everything has been real good and I mean real good. All of a sudden he tells me that we need to slow things down and not see each other as much.

My family and his spent the holidays together, or birthdays. I think that he is scared of the closeness that we have now. He says that we need to be just friends, I don't know if I can just be friends with him because I'm in love with him, want to be with him as a couple not as his friend.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

I think your assessment that this man is scared of closeness is dead on. Y

ou have two ways to handle this situation. I would say that both approaches would be appropriate. Depending upon what feels best for you as well as what you think would work best for him, you can choose either of the two approaches or a combination of both.

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She Says You're too Serious

in

Start of a question about Dating

I really like this girl a lot from the moment I met her and this past summer we had fun and a lot of sex mixed into my feelings. But I like her for both.

But there is one problem she is in college away and I am done with college. We are 800 miles away from each other, plus she is going to Spain this spring and we miss each other.

But that is all we have. We always talk about our feelings for each other and she says mine are too serious. I don't know any more about anything other than I really like her a lot. Please help me out with things.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

The one thing in your letter that jumps out at me is that this girl says that your feelings are too serious. She is telling you something that is very painful for you to face, but you must face the truth of her words or else risk being even more hurt down the road. She is telling you that she isn't as serious about you as you are about her.

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Devastated

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Hi there Dr. Turndorf, just wanting your advice on a subject that has been affecting me for a long time. I'll try to make it brief.

I am recently divorced as of July/04. I divorced my ex-husband because he did not want to have a family after 11 years of marriage. Afterwards, he suffered a heart attack and sort of placed the blame on me.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

You said that your problem is that you are afraid of mailing the letter to your ex-boyfriend. Your fear is an unconscious warning signal telling you that mailing the letter is dangerous to you. What could the danger be?

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My Patience is Wearing Thin

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Love. . .

I have a girlfriend of about a year and we get along really well. . . but theres just one problem. She keeps complaining that she feels lonely and gets extremely irritated when she calls and i'm in the middle of some activity

i know its not right and ive tried telling her nicely so but she won't listen. she gets into bouts of crying and depression and she will accuse me of neglecting her, or ill-treating her. . .

i'm at my wits end and my patience i fear is wearing thin, what can i do?

Start of Dr Love's Answer

It sounds like your girlfriend is feeling rejected by you. I have the sense that she wasn't responded to properly as a little girl.

If I am right, her mother and/or father pushed her aside when she needed them. This early experience scarred her and I sense that each time you are too busy for her the old wound with her parents is ripped open and she feels deep pain.

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How to Give Her Space without Exploiting Yourself

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Love,

Hi, my name is Michael, I'm 25 years old and have been in my current relationship for a little over 3 months. My girlfriend is great, I really enjoy being with her and feel that I have much more in common with her than other girls I have dated-- and I feel confident that she feels the same way about me.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I am very impressed with how clearly you presented your predicament. It sounds like your discussions are open and honest, which is great. You need to ask her what you asked me above regarding whether she thinks a serious relationship needs to be smothering.

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You Finally Heard Your Wife

in

Start of a question about Relationships

After 7 years of marriage, with a lot of ups and downs of all sorts, my wife recently told me what I don't do for her that she needs, just as she has many times before, but this time I 'heard' it?

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I totally understand your predicament. Your wife has built up a wall of resentment as a result of years of feeling unheard. She is surely wary of your break-through and is most likely afraid to be let down again. She is very likely using her anger as an armor to shield her from more hurt.

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How Do I Show Him That Our Relationship is Worth Rekindling?

in

Start of a question about Dating

Dear Dr. Love,

My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me about a month ago. I am having a horrible time dealing with this because I never saw it coming. I mean, I knew we had our problems but I never dreamed he was that unhappy. He didn't say anything to let me know until it was too late he thought our relationship was irreparable. When I look back on it, I see the signs that were there. I don't know if I chose to ignore them or if I really didn't notice. I think I was probably in denial of a lot of things.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I totally understand your predicament. The only way that you can hope to rekindle the relationship is by opening your heart and telling him everything that you told me. In addition to what you said in your letter, you are going to need to address a few more points.

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Woman Who Waits on Him Hand and Foot and Isn't Getting Any

in

Start of a question about Relationships

My boyfriend and I have our 7th year anniversary together in June. Our relationship started out as a friendship because when we were introduced through a mutual friend, I was dating someone else and was not happy at all with him. It was very obvious Steve and I liked each other.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

I think that your relationship went sour after Steve heard the rumor that you cheated on him. Soon after he heard that story, he stopped having sex with you, begain reading porn, started masturbating under your nose, and began using escort services, etc..

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Man Who Ejaculates too Quickly

in

Start of a question about Sex

I am a 30 year old male, and I have had a problem with premature ejaculation all of my sexual life.

I have just recently gotten in to a relationship and it started out that I could control it a little bit but now it seems the more I do it the worse it gets.

I have started having problems obtaining an erection because I am so worried about trying to control myself. Then when I get an erection I seem to ejaculate real quick because now I am trying to concentrate on getting an erection.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

I hear how tormented you are. Your problem can be resolved, so don't despair. From a purely mechanical point of view, premature ejaculation is one of the most easy problems to solve.

Most men who ejaculate too quickly do so because they haven't learned how to recognize their premonitory sensations (the feeling just before the point of no return).

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