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Romance

Are We Compatible?

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I am a never married 41 year old woman, who is in a relationship of 4 years to a 47 year old never married man. We have no children. We just got engaged this year. I was kind of pushing for this and was ectatic to get a ring and proposal.

Now, I am getting cold feet about the upcoming marriage. He is a very independent man and I am afraid he will not share his total life with me, as in being with me at home, talking and being affectionate, not in a sexual way, but just by being close.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

It appears that you have expectations for your relationship that don't jive with your fiance's. You have what's called molar conflicts. This is a fancy way of saying your intimacy needs don't match.

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Infidelity

in

Start of a question about Relationships

 My husband and I have been married for 22 years. Raised two children 33 & 29 from my first marriage (no children between us). My problem and question is this:

He cheated on me the first year that we where married, but I did not find this out until 14 years later. He promised me that he would never betray or hurt me like this again. Well, in 2005 he started a phone romance with a radio personallty locally to where we live. I accidentally found out this and was devastated and hurt beyond all reason.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

Your husband is shifting blame onto you and not taking responsibility for his own behavior. He says he's drinking to excess because you haven't forgiven him for his phone flirtation. Hello. How did he manage to shift the focus onto you? He's the one who's drinking, not you.

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You Found Your First Love on the Internet

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I need your advice, I've been married for 11 years and I love my husband deeply. I recently found my first love I still love him too. I told him. He's engaged and he hasn't talked to me in over a week.

Why did he run away, he's acting like a coward. He was gonna pop the question to me way back when, but I didn't know that at the time.

I was young, only around 18. I knew he loved me but my step mom told me he was just using me for sex, He said he wasn't. I believe him.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I hear how tortured you are. Your step mom did a terrible thing to you. She meddled and broke up your relationship with your first love.

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Missing that Spark

in

Start of a question about Relationships

OK, I am in a relationship that I've been in for 10 years.

I have a 2 year old with this man, and I love him very much, but we fight all the time since we had the baby. We fight over everything from his mother to money, it's terrible.

I would love to stay with him and make things work, but I find myself lately missing that new spark you feel in a new relationship, and feeling like I want to feel that again, but possibly with someone else, no one in particular, just to feel that again and be happy, cause I'm not now with him.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

It's impossible to feel the spark of romance when you're having heated arguments!

As I say in my book, Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First), unresolved conflict is the number one killer of love.

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She Wants You, but Does She Love You?

in

Start of a question about Dating

Hi Dr Love. I am sorry if I am not 18 but I needed to ask you something. I am 17 and I live in South America Ecuador.

Four months ago I met a girl of 13... and her family is strict and they don't permit her to have friends. I am her  boyfriend now and we have been for 2 months... But I don't know what to do ... I do feel I love her but she does things that make me think she doesn't... I am not asking her to love me... but she says 'I want you.' Want is something like love.... but it sounds weird in English.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

The first thing that I see is that your relationship is very strained because you can't see each other often. Obviously this girl likes you, but because her parents are restricting her ability to see, she is very likely holding back her feelings. It would be terribly painful for her to allow herself to fall for you completely and then have to face not being able to be with you.

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Did I Bring Up the Serious Talk too Soon?

in

Start of a question about Dating

Dear Dr. Love

My relationship of 9 months recently ended because my ex-boyfriend admitted to not loving me, though he liked me a lot and wanted to continue dating me.

He also said he was pretty sure I wasn't his life partner. We had been having relationship talks for the past 2 months because on Valentine's Day I was upset at him for falling asleep after dinner, when I was looking for a bit of 'romance'. Once he woke up we talked about it & I forgave him. . but that night I kept having a lot of anxiety.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You have given me a clear picture of what went wrong. Here's my understanding of what happened.

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How to Win Back Her Heart

in

Start of a question about Dating

Lost Love? I'm best friends with a girl who I have known for like 5 years. We have the perfect friendship. I'm always there when she needs me and and I always listen to what she has to to say.

The problem is I'm madly in love with her and have been from the beginning. We have had romance between us off and on and never had a bad split up it was always bad timing. I moved away, yet still talked to her every night before I went to bed for a couple of years. Well I moved back close to her.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You say that you want to win back her heart, which implies that you had it at one time and lost it. It sounds to me like you two are ships in the night. You once had a relationship, then you moved away, she found someone else, then you came back to be near her.

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Sad, Sensitive and Confused'

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dearest Dr. T,

I hope you are in good health and that you are doing well in every single aspect of your life. A compassionate person like you deserves only the best in the whole world. You are truly one of a kind, please don't ever change!

I have some questions to ask you and I really hope you can answer them. . . I have noticed that I have such a hard time accepting myself as I am. Not only physically, but also psychologically and my personally too. . .

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I am upset to hear about how sad you're feeling. First and foremost we need to address your suicidal thoughts. You need to promise me that you will call 911 or go to your emergency room if you feel that you aren't able to control your urge to hurt yourself. Promise me!

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Dying over Here

in

Start of a question about Sex

dear Dr. Love,

My boyfried and I have been together for 1 yr -- 4 mos today! We have the same fight over and over again about the lack of love making. I want it, he doesnt seem to. His ex girlfried of 3 years was a virgin and wanted to wait until she was married. He remained celibate for those three years. He kept himself from going crazy by watching porno. He works 65 hours a week and has his own business. So his stress level is very high.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

You guys are in quite a bind. The first thing that struck me was that your guy chose to be with a woman that he knew didn't want sex. You say he tolerated the celibacy, but maybe it's more accurate to say that the situation with her met his needs and that he actually preferred solo sex with a porn video.

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What Can I Do to Win My Fiance's Heart Back?

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Love,

I'm in a really lame situation right now. With each passing day my fiance becomes more disinerested with me. When I try to talk about it with her she gets upset and avoids the situation. Now I'm pretty sure she still loves me, but that 's complex and will need some explaining.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

It sounds to me like your fiance wants what she can't have and doesn't want what she can (and does have). I say this because as soon as she thought you were slipping away from her, she was all over you, whereas when she is sure of your love and devotion, she wants nothing to do with you. Why would someone want someone when she thinks is slipping away (or who is actually unavailable).

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