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Lack of Closure

Friend or Girlfriend

in

Start of a question about Dating

Ok, I'm 16 and a guy. I'm in love with my best friend (she's a girl). I love her so much. I think about her everyday. We wanted to date a few years ago but she is best friends with my sister too. We didn't want to hurt my sis, so we never dated. A few years later, I'm still in love with her.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

It's clear that you want a romantic attachment with this woman and not a simple friendship. It's also clear that you don't want to 'move on.' I also heard you say that she doesn't want more than friendship with you.

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A Friend Who Judges Me

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dearest Dr. Love, I truly hope that you are well and happy. You deserve it. You touch so many with your advice and your kind words. Thank you kindly. I would be grateful if you could please help me. . .

I feel very confused, hurt and betrayed. I have been friends with a young man ever since I was 15 years old (I am now 24) and he is someone I truly care about, like a brother. I thought I could confide in him and that he would support me and try to understand whatever decisions I make.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

The kind words you shared with me in your letter tell me what a giving and loving person you are. I see such a contrast between how you treat me and how you are treated by others. You should be receiving from others the same loving treatment that you give to me.

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You Still Have Strong Feelings for Your Ex.

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Me and my ex split up because he already had 2 kids, he had full custody of them since they were 1yr & 2yrs old and when I met him, the kids were 6 & 7, He did not want any more. We were together 3 years. but he still did not want any more kids. So I walked out, because I knew that I wanted to have children one day.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I think that there is more to this story than what meets the eye. You speak of sparks flying with your ex. and I know that you think that the sparks are caused by true love. I am going to shock you when I say that there is another explanation for the intensity that you feel.

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Feeling Stuck

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I feel stuck. The reason why I feel stuck and can't move on is because of the way my last realtionship ended. The relationship was ended by her and her reason was the following: I need time to myself for once in my life because I have been in a couple of relationships for long periods of time and haven't been able to breathe and figure out who I am and have not been able to do exactly what I want.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

What a clearly written letter. I totally understand your predicament. You believe that your ex. is the one and you, which makes it very difficult for you to move. What's more, when she continues to tell you that she loves you and that she can definitely see herself marrying you that surely fans the flames of your love and keeps you tied to her.

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How Long Can I Stick with Her?

in

Start of a question about Sex

My girlfriend and I have been dating for over a year. When we started dating we decided to hold off till the time was right to have sex, which turned out to be about three months.

For a while it was great, then she got pregnant, and decided without my consent she had an abortion. I was adopted as a child so this really hurt me.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I think that you are right that the abortion is realted to your girlfriend's sudden disinterest in sex or any physical contact that might lead to sex. The question is what to do about this understanding.

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He Keeps Graphic Sexual Photos on His Computer

in

Start of a question about Sex

I need some advice on dealing with a difficult issue that is of my own doing. I was using my boyfriend's laptop to copy a couple of digital photos he had saved to hard drive.

While searching for the photos, I stumbled across a file named'Private' and I looked. What I found disturbed me -- they were very graphic sexual photos he had taken of a woman -- some with certain body parts of my boyfriend touching/inserted in the woman (hands, arms, etc. -- I could tell by the watch and bracelet he wears).

Start of Dr Love's Answer
You are in a tough spot because you have found something that you weren't supposed to find--or were you? I assume that he knows that you use his hard drive to copy photos, in which case his unconscious mind may have meant for you to find the photos. Was he trying to tell you something by leaving a trail of bread crumbs...or should I say'bed' crumbs.

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Worried That You're Overreacting

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I've read many of your responses and admire your candor.

I'm currently dating someone who appears to be a very loving, sweet, loyal and grounded man. I've met his parents and many (20+) of his friends. . . Whom all share the same opinion: He is a great guy! His most recent relationship (3+years) ended about 2 years ago. He was devastated by the breakup and has expressed his feelings well. And appears to have learned a lot about himself from the relationship. They remain close and have both dated others casually since.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

I am worried that you are second-guessing your feelings. Feelings must always be honored. Unless you are completely psychotic and out-of-touch with reality, you need to respect the fact that your feelings exist for a reason.

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Your Boyfriend Has No Sex Drive

in

Start of a question about Sex

i have rather a complex problem and want very much to work through it, if not understand it. I am very much in love with the man whom i am living with...as he says he is with me..the only thing missing from our life is sex..and i mean literally.

he has absolutely no interest in sex..several years ago he spent 5 year on probation for a sexual assualt...he has never discussed it with me and i do not broach the subject..

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I can help you understand what may be going on with your boyfriend, but I think you need to be asking yourself why you want to be with a man who is disinterested in sex.

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Man Whose Wife is Having a Cyber Fling

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dr. Love, I am a w/m/36, in the military for 15 years, married for 13. For maybe the last 5 years my wife and I have been drawing farther and farther apart.

Recently, I discovered that she has fallen in love with a cyber friend, one who she has never met. She and I went to see a marriage counselor and during the course of the first three sessions, she committed to trying to save our relationship.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

I can see why you are at a loss. Couples sessions have been aborted, meanwhile, she is in individual therapy, which pretty much takes you out of the communication loop.

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Woman Whose Fiance Talks to His Ex.

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I have recently gotten engaged to get married. I am pregnant by this guy as well. I wanted to ask your opinion on something.

He got devorced over a year ago and had 2 kids with his ex-wife. He calls the kids every night to tell them good night. (She has custody of them.) But when he calls the kids he will only talk to the kids a few minutes; they are very young. And then he will talk to his ex-wife for about 20 minutes almost everynight.


Start of Dr Love's Answer

I think you need to focus on talking to each other rather than squashing his phone calls. If you complain at your fiance and ream him a new you know what, he will only feel resentful of you. Your original issue won't be solved, and you will have a new problem on your hands: his resentment of you.

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