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Low Self Esteem

He Owes Me $500

in

Start of a question about Relationships

After five years of sleeping with my ex boyfriend in hopes that we would get back together, I asked him last week to stop calling me, especially when he was drunk and lonely, I have not heard from him since then.

Well he owes me $500, do you think I should call him and ask him for my money? I hate the fact that he owes me money, like it is not humiliating enough that he does not love me enough to want a real relationship with me, on top of that he is keeping my money that I lent him out love and friendship.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I felt so sad when I read your letter. There are so many interpretations for why your ex. hasn't committed to you. How about he's not capable of a committed relationship because he's too weak to face all the feelings that relationships trigger (fear of loss, fear of rejection, etc. ).

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Will I Ever Accept Myself?

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Start of a question about Dating

Dearest Dr. Love,

I must thank you with all my heart for your precious help and for the concern you have for all those who need advice. I always read your column and I truly think that every single advice you give is brilliant and very helpful. Thank you kindly.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

When I read your kind and loving words, it struck me how generous you are with others and how unkind you are to yourself. The next thing I noticed is that you give yourself permission to put yourself down.

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Should I Just Shut up and Move on?

in

Start of a question about Dating

I've liked this girl for about 9 months now but haven't told her because #1 her brother is my best friend, #2 she's in a family of 9 kids who I see every week, #3 she's 16 and I'm 21. Why I don't tell her is because I don't want to freak her out. I've been known to do that. And I don't want to lose a best friend over it.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

The first thing that jumps out at me is how very low your self esteem is. If you think that you are so unworthy of being loved you are sending out vibes that literally 'slime' yourself. No one is going to want to be with you so long as you loathe yourself as you do.

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A Saddened Individual

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Start of a question about Dating

Dear Dr. Love

I had the opportunity of receiving an anwser from you about a year ago, so if someone needs you more than I, I understand. You see Doc. my life seems so meaningless lately. I hate going to work, and college, but most of all most everyone doesn't like me. The problem is everyone thinks I'm gay and all the teens in town call me that even if I drive by.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I'm sorry you're sad. It sounds like you don't fit in where you are. I imagine you doing better in a big city, where there are lots of people of all kinds. It sounds like you are in a small town that's comprised of narrow minded rednecks and teenage guys who are terribly afraid of their own homosexual tendencies.

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You're Thinking that Keeping Yourself in the Mix Will Improve Your Chances of Getting Him Back

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Start of a question about Dating

I have dated the same man for 8 years, I am 30 and he is 32. We have broken up 3 times before now and he always comes back partly because I am very persistant. This time 3 months ago, I noticed he was not happy and seemed to be getting depressed, after 2 months of that I questioned him and to my surprise he said he did not know if I made him happy anymore and that he didn't know if he could spend the rest of his life with me.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You are putting this man and your efforts to win him back ahead of taking care of yourself. Many women have been socialized to believe that they are nothing without a man. In fact, you are nothing if you believe that you need a man to make you complete.

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Determined to Succeed

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Start of a question about Sex

Dear dr. love,

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a long time now, and after a while, he now seems lees excited about foreplay, maybe because i do the same things again over and over, and what i do does not seem to excite him, he has always been excellent in bed, and i am starting to feel depressed because i do not near compete with his abillity to pleasure.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I can tell you all kinds of sexual techniques, but since each man is wired differently, you are still going to need to have feedback from him on what he likes. So your best bet is to resolve whatever block he has to telling you what he likes.

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Nowhere Else to Turn

in

Start of a question about Dating

hi, i just found this website, im desperate for help. since i first started dating in high school i have always went after guys with the same background, they have all come from a broken home, they all have had very little or no experience with guys/dating, and they all have low self esteem. every one of these guys have fallen in love with me, and i thought that i loved them too. then for some reason, i get bored and i don't enjoy their company, and i don't want to kiss them or do anything else with them. my current boyfriend, fits the description above to a perfect T.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You say that there is a pattern to your dating: that you choose men who come from broken homes, have low-self esteems and little or no experience with girls/dating. Soon, you become bored and break-off the relationship.

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Needing Wisdom in the Last Hours Before the Wedding

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I am a 37 year old man who has never been married. I have, however, been in a relationship with a 33 year old woman for almost 12 years. We are engaged (for the second time) and are to be married at the end of June!!!! We were engaged to be married in 1998 also but I called it off 2 weeks before the wedding (talk about pressure!!). She is generally a very kind person to me and I am attracted to her physically for the most part. There have been things I've wished were different about her (more intelligent. . . . . more calm. . . . more peaceful/patient. . . . more mature emotionally. . .

Start of Dr Love's Answer

Thanks for the detailed question. I do have a very good understanding of your fiance's emotional issues and baggage. I am, however, in the dark regarding yours, which puts us at a disadvantage in terms of helping you to solve your conflict.

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Am I Confusing Great Sex With Love?

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Start of a question about Sex

Dear Dr. Love

I was married for 15 years.

My ex husband had a very low sex drive. . It made me feel like I wasn't a woman. My self esteem got as low as it could. . I became depressed and Kept to myself. . Until finally I got up the nerve to Divorce him. . I started dating a man and when we finally took the step and made Love. . It was wonderful . . I actually turned him on and we made Love over and over. . Better and better each time. . No holding back. . Like its suppose to be. .


Start of Dr Love's Answer

You ask a very good question. While it is true that sexual attraction is a large component of romantic love, as well as the glue that binds a relationship, there is far more to love than simple lust.

So, how can you tell if you are in love or lust?

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Bruised by Beaten Women

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Start of a question about Dating

Hello,

I am writing to ask for your help. I am a 22 year old male, athletic, hardworking, and attending a computer technical school. I see myself as a nice guy, I never want to hurt a womans feelings, and that usualy gets me into more than I want. For some reason, I seem to attract women who were beaten in there past relationships. I feel I can help them out of their depression.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

This is a excellent question. What you are really asking is for me to help you understand why you are drawn to abused women. I will offer a couple possibilities, and you can choose the one that fits.

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