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Unfinished Business

One Very Confused Guy

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Hi. Not really sure how I should head this, but, well, hi. Anyways, I am very deeply in love with a woman who is also my best friend, and we met online and talk on the phone all the time. We have everything in the world in common, and can talk for hours about nothing and have a wonderful time. She admitted to me when I told her how I felt that she felt the same way, but there is a problem.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I want you to understand that your girlfriend wouldn't be attached to this man who controls and fights with her if this relationship weren't meeting some deep need inside of her. Your girlfriend is stuck in a repetition compulsion (the compulsion to recreate some traumatic aspect of her early life).

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Obsessed

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr.

After reading your advices to other people I know you can help me. Since the first time I saw this guy and he say hello to me, I fell in love. He spend 3 months to reach me and talk to me, while I was eagerly waiting for him to approach (during those 3 months he sent me a lot of corporal messages and so did I, and I knew he liked me) Then, he spend another 3 months to ask for a date with me, which I accepted of course.  All this 6 months I was getting great spectations about him and thinking about him all the time.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

What a nightmare. You have fallen for a man that seduces and then abandons you. How strong you were to have given him up, and then face him on a daily basis. And, how sadistic of him to appear on your doorstep again.

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Depression

in

Start of a question about Dating

Dear Dr. Love:

I was eight months pregnant when this man walked into my life and he dated me and told me things that I wanted to hear he even went to Lamaze class with me and into the delivery room with me, but keep in mind this was not his baby and also he was a minister. Well I fell in love with this man and he also said he loved me to.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

My God you have been put through the mill. I am so sorry that you were hurt by this devil parading as God. You asked me to explain how a person can be so cold. This man is what we psychologists call a sociopath. The lay term for his kind is: con artist.

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How Can I Make Him Realize What He's Doing to Me?

in

Start of a question about Relationships

How can i make my husband realize what he is doing to me. He is very controlling and and very jealous.

He never puts me first in our relationship. He has never hit me but he talks to me like I'm nothing sometimes. How can i stick up for myself, and let him now I'm serious, and it isn't a joke. I feel like he doesn't love me any more.

We have been together for 7 years and been married 3 years. I can't give my thoughts on anything to him. It seems it doesn't even matter to him. Please give me feedback. Thank you.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I hear how desperate you are.

Basically, your husband is wiping his boots on you. When you balk he tells you that he could care less about how you feel. You are being abused.

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Are We Meant for Each Other or What?

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I was with a guy for 1. 5 years. We broke up like 3 months ago because he had another girlfriend. Now he is calling me.

We are friends but it's like I still love him and I think he still cares for me. But if we both feel this way why aren't we back together yet? Could it be that we are hiding our feelings or what? Or we just aren't meant to be together?

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I noticed that you brushed past the point that he broke up with you because he had another girlfriend. I wonder why this piece of information doesn't seem to concern you. Either he had another girlfriend all the while he was seeing you or he started seeing someone else while he was with you. In either case, you've got big problems with this guy.

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Haven't Gotten Over My Ex

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I just got married about a month ago, and everything is great in the marriage, more than I could ever want. My problem is that I still haven't gotten over my ex, and I don't want this to come between my husband and I.

I've tried talking to my husband about it, but he gets upset over it. I'm not too sure about what to do now. How can I stop this from ruining my marriage?

Start of Dr Love's Answer

You say you haven't gotten over your ex. We need to be much more clear on what you're holding on to. Do you still feel that you love your ex? Are you hanging on to a grudge? It's necessary for you to clarify what you're holding on to.

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Totally in Lust with Another Guy

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I have been dating a guy for over a year now and I thought we had an ok relationship until I saw my ex boyfriend again (who I dated for 3 years). I started rethinking my decisions about dating at that point.

Then I began talking innocently to another guy that was there and I am completely in lust with him right now and I don't know what I should do.

I haven't acted upon any of these urges but I don't know how long that will hold out. I don't know whether to give up this current relationship or to suffer through the feelings that I'm getting now. . . . please help.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

I have to wonder if you suffer from what I call the 'Grass is Greener' syndrome.

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Very Lonely Husband Looking to Get Out

in

Start of a question about Relationships

Dear Dr. Love:

I have been married for almost 3 years now and my wife and I dated for 3 before that. Needless to say, my problem with my marriage is sex.

I am 28 and she is 31. For the whole time I have known her, she has been VERY sexually inhibited. I have, admittedly, pressured her to try to relax and enjoy the many pleasures of sex. However, now I have found us in such a rut, I don't think we can ever recover.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

Dear Very Lonely Husband Looking to Get Out,

You are in a tight spot (only not the one you had in mind!). I hear that you are basically asking me for permission to get out. I must say that I don't see much hope here.

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Why Do They Say I'm Busy

in

Start of a question about Dating

Dr. Love,

I dont get it, why do girls give their phone number out and you call them to take them out and everytime they say I'm busy this weekend, I'll call next week and they don't. Obviously they aren't interested.

So, before giving me her number why couldn't she just say she wasn't interested? You know its not the end of my world if she says no, right??

Start of Dr Love's Answer

In answer to your first question, I think that many women are too unassertive to speak directly and say, no I'm not interested, so they give out their phone number and send off mixed signals, rather than coming out with it right from the start.

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Attached to a Man with a Drinking and Drug Problem

in

Start of a question about Relationships

I have been divored now for 2 years. And have since then, starting dating again. I forgot what it was like to date, and even forgot some of the rules. I have met someone I really like. I do have feelings for him.

Start of Dr Love's Answer

This man is damaged goods and not relationship ready. He may be a wonderful person and have great potential, but as he stands now, he is not a good bet. You need to ask yourself if you would be willing to spend the rest of your life with him even if he stays just as he is. If your answer is yes, then I wish you all the best.

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