Afraid to be Hurt and Afraid to Wait

To be honest, this is my first time on your site, it will not be the last. I am a 29 yr old widowed mother of 3, I live in a rather small town bombarded by college kids 10 months of the year. I tried the Internet personal scene (my kids are young and getting out to meet people is difficult). I answered a profile (actually several) you get the usual some don't respond and some do but, nothing is there. I spoke to three on the phone and met 2 in person. The first was a really nice guy with a lot in common just no 'spark', I went out with him 2x just to see if it was my nerves the 1st time, it wasn't.

Here is my dilema, the 2nd man I have met 3x but, even before meeting him we spoke daily on the phone, emailed regularly. Chemistry, likes, dislikes, future hopes, home lives . . . we mesh on so many different levels that it is intimidating. We discussed this via email and telephone and both agreed that getting serious too soon could be a problem so we have stepped back a bit. He is dealing with a custody battle, his ex had the kids taken away under suspicion of abuse and wants them back. He is a good Dad and I respect him for his devotion and even fear for his children.

I have told him that he is being pulled in too many directions and he does not need me to pull him in another. That I will be here when all is taken care of, yes it sounds desperate but. . . . Have you ever met someone and the second you saw them you forgot what they looked like because who they were was so incredible?? This was weeks ago and yes, we still talk, although it is now 2x a week and email at a similar rate. I said I would step back and let him deal with what is important but (this is where I get selfish and paranoid) I am worried that there is too much room there and that he is not as interested as he once was.

You see, the last time we were together we spent practically the entire time in my bed, we have much in common there as well!! We have made plans to get together 2 more times now and it keeps falling through (the custody thing), I am beginning to wonder if it is just a convenient excuse. Unfortunately I am 50 50 on that one. He is very honest and I don't see him lying to me, on the other hand he is very sweet and sensitive and I think he wouldn't want to hurt my feelings as there is a mutual respect and affection between us. I think I have fallen in love with him, I have been there before (love) it was incredible and distressing at the same time.

I am baffled as to the next step I should take, I have sent emails and discussed with him the edges of my feelings but, I don't want to push or I guess to lay myself completely out until I know the deal. I am afraid to be hurt and afraid to wait. So what do you think, am I nuts or what? By the way we began talking 3 months ago. Thank you