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Afraid to Ruin the Friendship

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 09/03/2001 - 7:00pm
September 3, 2001

Question

Dear Dr. Love

I have a question you probably have heard a thousand times, but here it goes anyways. I have a best friend, female, who has been an angel to me. Ever since I have known her, my life has gotten better, and have become a more complete person.

I am in love with her, and I don't know if she feels the same back. We talk on the phone till early morning hours, play the same sports, have interests in the same activities and such. We have never had a fight, and she is always there when I need a friend.

How do I let her know how I feel, or even find out how she feels without ruining the best friendship I have ever had?


Answer

If you are afraid that admitting your love will ruin the friendship, you need to trust your instincts and explore them further. Are the feelings coming from you and your history? Were you rejected in the past? If so, this could explain your fear.

If the feeling is yours, you need to ask yourself is your friend likely to drop you when you admit to loving her? Next, figure out if your vibes are coming from her. That is do you sense that she isn't interested in more than friendship? Or, do you sense that she wouldn't be able to remain your friend after your admission?

Once you figure out where your fear is coming from, you can formulate a question to her that addresses the issue. For example, you might say, 'Why do I worry that you wouldn't want to be friends with me any longer if you thought that I had stronger feelings for you than simple friendship?'

Once you open an exploratory discussion, you can test where she is coming from without jeopardizing your friendship. I hope that you 'get the girl.'

- Doctor Love

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