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All the Old Feelings Came Back

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 07/08/2002 - 7:00pm
July 8, 2002

Question

Dear Dr. Love I am a 32 y/o single woman with 3 children.

Twelve years ago, while newly in the military, I met and fell in love with a beautiful man. We parted because the military sent us to different parts of the world but we've always kept in touch. In my depressed state over losing this beautiful man, I met another man who became a good friend. We had a child together, got married and had two more children.

Ten years later we've divorced. We are still friends and and remain in touch for the children. My problem is that I am still in love with the first man. I never stopped loving him.

Shortly after my divorce I went to Greece to visit him and all the old feelings came back stronger than ever. He has told me that he loves me, that he always has and always will. We remain friends but I want more. I am afraid to approach him with this information. I am afraid of rejection. Not knowing for sure gives me a sense of hope and wonder over the possibilities.

How do I approach him. He has never been married and has no children but he's told me that he's ready. He is very much a gentleman and treats me with great respect. I don't want to lose even his friendship but am afraid if I speak up, that the situation could become akward. How do I let him know without causing embarrassment if the feeling isn't mutual?


Answer

It sounds to me like this man has been waiting for you. He's never married or had children, you reappear in his life and he tells you that he's suddenly ready to marry. If you are afraid to speak up for fear that the situation might become akward, then start your conversation by saying just that.

If you are afraid to lose his friendship, say that too. And, last but not least, after you declare your love for him, you can leave him an 'out' by telling him that you would understand if he doesn't share your feelings, and that above all you would like to remain friends.

If you are able to be matter of fact and comfortable, he will be too. I have a strong sense that this man still feels for you. Since he isn't a confirmed bachelor, then what other reason is there for his not marrying after all these years?

I wouldn't be a bit surprised that he has carried a torch for you all along because he never met another women who held a candle to you. Promise to let me know what happens.

- Doctor Love

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