Be More Aggressive

 You've done a great job explaining the situation. I'm very sorry that you are being treated the way you.

First, this woman has serious baggage and there is nothing that you can do to fix this for her. She has to do the work. 

Second, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are perfect just as you are. In fact, studies show that women are most happy with men who are androgynous (possessing a balance of male and female traits). If a partner is right for you, then she loves you as you are and doesn't try to change you.   Third, her remarks "Just be a man" are actually subtle put downs. She's telling you're not manly enough. I have the sense that she is baiting you, almost provoking you into fighting with her. It's only natural that a man would feel angry when he's criticized and told he's not manly enough. I understand why she's provoking you (even though she may not). She's carrying a lot of anger toward men and by putting you down and making you mad she's actually picking a fight with you. Then when you take the bait, she'll then have an excuse to release the anger that's brewing inside her.   My other thought is that she's provoking you to see if you will set a limit on her. If you are too soft and gentle and you allow her to mistreat you, she will lose respect for you. This may be what she means when she says "be a man."   For your own sake, whether you stay with her or not, you must learn to protect yourself.  The only chance you have of making it work with this woman is to put your foot down with her. You need to tell her that you don't like her saying you aren't manly enough (which, by the way, will be seen by her as a manly act on your part). Then you must tell her that if she wants to be with you, you have two conditions: 1) she must get therapy and resolve her baggage and 2) she must accept you as you are.   Please let me know what happens.