The Bedroom Barter that Backfired Big Time!

You made a barter with your boyfriend--that you would allow him to sleep with another woman if he would make you pregnant. Now he's not only trying to play the field with your friend, he's also playing you like a fiddle.

The first time was great, so he rubbed your nose in that; the second time wasn't so great, so he deserved a rebate. The justifications for repeat for performances are going to be as endless as the day is long--she wasn't wet enough--he ejaculated prematurely. . . . . Yada, yada, yada. What have you gotten yourself into!

You need to step back from the details of the deal and examine why you would even make such a bargain in the first place. The answer is you obviously don't feel good enough about yourself. You don't feel worthy of having a man who wants you and only you, a man who wants to have your baby, not because he's bribed into doing it, but because he wants you and your child because he adores you and only you.

I am very sad for you and I beg you to examine yourself and understand why you are disrespecting yourself so terribly. Your answer lies in your formative years. You need to fill in the blanks and figure out what you are playing out from your childhood.

Use my 'Emotional Mapping' technique to help you identify the wound that 's fueling the trap you're in. To do this, let's get behind and beneath the details of who said and did what and focus on your feelings.

For example, say to yourself: I let him sleep with another woman in exchange for getting me pregnant. What feelings inside myself made me offer this? Write down what comes up. Then ask yourself the first time in your life that you felt these feelings. Go as far back as you remember and allow any memories and feelings to surface. Write this down too.

You may come up with a memory of mom and/or dad being distant or absent. Perhaps you cajoled, begged or tried to manipulate them into giving you the love and attention you needed?

Continue with the exercise, digging for your feelings and for memories. Ask yourself all kinds of questions, including why do I want a baby now? Am I looking to fill an empty spot inside myself? When did I first feel empty like that? Why do I think that I have to bribe my boyfriend into making me pregnant? Why would I want to have a baby with a man who has to be forced to make the baby? Did I feel like an unwanted baby myself? Am I recreating that wound in order to'deposit' that bad feeling onto someone else (the new baby) in order to purge myself of the pain inside me and/or to try to work through the pain of having felt unwanted myself?

As you can see, you have a lot of work ahead of you. I would encourage you to resist the temptation to have a baby at this time. You need to heal first.

Then when you're healthier, you will expect to be treated better by this boyfriend, and he if he's not capable, which I sense he isn't , you will find another boyfriend who wants you and to have a child with you. Then and only then will you be ready for a baby. You don't want to bring a child into the world and subject that poor creature to the kind of suffering that you've had.

To help your healing go faster, group therapy would be great for you. There you will be surrounded by people who love and care for you and give you the right kind of treatment. This experience will become your model for a new and more loving relationship with yourself and your life partner.

Let me know how you do.