Can't Say No to Sex

You have said a lot in your short letter. You ended the letter saying that having been abused could be connected to your not being able to say no to sex. You need to follow that thought and see if you can find the connection. My thought was that you are actually using sex to manage the enraged and out-of control feelings you experienced over being abused. Are you using sex to get back in control? It sounds like you are the one who gives the sex, and you are the one who takes it away. That sounds like a way of staying in control at all costs. How does the need to stay in control now relate to what happened to you before?

You may also be expressing anger through your promiscuous behavior. Rather than treating sex as a loving act, it's as though you are engaged in a physical act that is devoid of caring. Are you becoming an abuser (using these men sexually) in order to master your feelings of having been abused? Now you are the abuser instead of the victim? In order to figure out the connection between having been abused and the behavior you are engaged in now, ask yourself, how did I feel when I was abused? How do I now feel when I sleep with these men? What is the similarity?

And, last but not least, how would I feel if I stopped the sexual acting out (weak, scared, etc. )? You need to understand that all compulsive behavior is designed to release and/or keep in check unbearable feelings. Your sexual behavior is no different. You need to figure out what feelings you are beating back or releasing and deal with them directly. Once you face the feelings and work them through, the sexual behavior will no longer need to exist and it will go away by itself.