Caught in a Lie About Your Age

I can see why you are a wreck. The longer you wait before coming clean, the worse this problem is becoming. With each passing day that you allow him to continue believing this untruth about you, you increase the chances of permanently shattering his trust in you.

The only thing you can do now is to tell him what you told me. That when he intially made the comment about your age, you didn't feel the need to correct him since you didn't even know if you were going to become involved. When you realized that you were not only developing a relationship but also falling in love with him, you became completely terrified to tell him the truth, for fear that you would lose him.

When he understands that your behavior was driven by your extreme attachment to him (hence your fear of losing him), he should feel somewhat eased. However, you need to be prepared that he will probably be wary of you for a time. After all, he will worry that you are a habitual liar. Time will prove this to be untrue. So, be patient if he's skeptical.

You might also help him to see that the real problem here isn't that you lied. Not telling a stranger your true age wasn't a lie; you were under no obligation to give details about yourself to someone you didn't know. The real problem here is that you use a maladaptive defense mechanism called avoidance. That is, when you realized that you were becoming involved, instead of facing the matter head-on, you avoided the entire issue, ultimately creating a much bigger problem. That's the nature of the avoidance defense: while the avoider does steer clear of trouble in the moment, he/she always faces bigger messes down the line as a result of the very defense that was supposed to be a protection!

When you help him to see that the problem isn't lying but rather avoiding, that should ease his mind as well. If he understands that you are aware of the problem and working on it, he should be able to get past this issue. Let me know how you make out.