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Confused and Hurt

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 12/15/2003 - 8:00pm
December 15, 2003

Question

i have been seeing the same man off and on for 8 years now. we have been 'just talking' but recently we spent a week together and by the way he treated me, talked to me and made love to me i thought we was going to try and work everything out and continue with our relationship (he never came out and said those words).

then i found out he went out and is continuing to go out with someone else, they supposedly just met. he told me to leave him alone and that he was going to start a new life. why did he hurt me like this? did he ever really care about me or was he just using me until he found someone else.

should i forget about this man? both of us have made many mistakes during our relationship, but i love him and would like for it to work out. why did he do this to me? why did he lead me on/or did he?

thanks,

confused and hurt


Answer

You really were seduced and then abandoned. I have no doubt that this man conveyed all kinds of good intentions to you and I am sure he gave you good reason to assume that he wanted to try again. His started up with someone else must have been such a terrible blow for you. I am sorry that you are suffering.

I can't begin to guess what went on in this man's head. He certainly did treat you like an object that he used and discarded. We can't ever know what his problem is, but we can use this experience to help you learn something about yourself and--hopefully--protect you in the future.

The first thing you need to learn from this situation is that you can't assume anything. Everything needs to be put into words. If you had asked him before you spent the week together if he was planning to resume your relationship or only interested in a week of fun, you could have made an informed decision.

I sense that your wishes get in the way of your reason. You very much wanted this man and I think that you threw caution to the wind. In the future, you will need to be mindful of your tendency to put blinders on and avoid gathering facts that might dash your deepest wishes.

- Doctor Love

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