Could His Flip Out Be a One Time Thing?

Thank you so much for taking the time to consider my questions, Dr. Turndorf.

Four months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years. We are both 20 now. We have not had sex- we're waiting until we're married. I attend school in North Carolina. He attends school in Florida. We have had a couple break-ups due to distance and time issues). I truly believe that he is my soulmate--he is my best friend, we share everything, we have an incredible chemistry, we have so much in common, etc.

The motivation for the breakup was my feeling that all of my extra time and energy (academics are rigorous) were dedicated to my relationship with my then boyfriend and that I was not developing any additional friendships. He also has a bit of possessiveness about him, which has always made having other male friends difficult. I have also been in a committed relationship since age 15 and just don't feel ready to limit myself so completely, especially since the maintenance and development of other friendships has been difficult while dedicating all my time to my committed relationship.

So, I proposed that we establish a non-exclusive relationship because we are completely in love and don't want to give up our relationship, but the distance, the time, and the need for other friends in our lives are issues that could not be ignored- we agreed that we would avoid physical intimacy of any kind with others, so as to make our nonexclusive relationship possible. . . here's where my questions begin. . . I have searched your archives and have taken note of your statement that, 'people live under the mistaken idea that we must be honest with our partners and say everything that 's in our hearts and minds. . . [however, only] say what you think will be helpful to build a connection and nothing more. '

We have been one of these couples to share everything, and while it has caused problems at times, I do believe that it has resulted in an unbreakable bond. So, how should I continue to share with him (and he with me) and maintain our closeness, without hurting him by sharing with him that I have gone out with people (just to get to know them, not to pursue a relationship or to be physical with them)? Even without volunteering information, we share our days when we speak on the phone (pretty much every day- too much under the circumstances?). T

his became an issue two months ago when I was home for Christmas. He did something that I would never have expected and that scared me- he insisted that I point out a fellow who had tried to kiss me on a date (I hadn't kissed him back and had prevented him when he tried again- I told him (my ex-boyfriend) because we had promised that we would not be physical at all with others and I felt dishonest not telling him) and when I refused he said he'd find him. Later, when I ended up introducing them (we were at a swing dance and I was dancing with this other fellow when my ex-boyfriend came up), he looked at me and asked, 'Is this the guy who kissed you?' right in front of the fellow. He continued to act scary and followed me out to my car as I began to leave to get away from him.

Do you believe that this is something that should worry me? I've mentioned the possessiveness, and this recent incident really worried/worries me. I have never seen such a demonstration of anger, inappropriateness, hurtfulness, or lack of control from him before. Could it be a one-time thing (I am inclined to believe him when he says that he has never been inclined to act in such a way and that he is so ashamed that it will never happen again-I have after all known him for close to five years), or is it likely to resurface?

I don't want to be someone who just dismisses the warning signs, you know? Thank you for your time Dr. Turndorf. I realize that it's been a long letter!