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Did I Jump in the Sack Too Soon

Submitted by Anonymous on Sun, 09/26/1999 - 8:00pm
September 26, 1999

Question

Dear Dr. Love, Please help! I am 25 years old, single, and recently met a great guy. On our first date we connected so well it was scary. We have so much in common- backround, values, sense of humor, etc. -we could finish each other's sentences.

There was also an intense physical attraction. Although I was determined not to, I slept with him on that first date. He called the next day and we are going out again this weekend, but I'm so worried.

I really like him. Actually, I've never felt so comfortable with anyone, and I sense that it is mutual. My question is this: Can a strong, healthy relationship grow when the couple has sex so early on? And, if I did damage the chances by jumping in the sack, is there a way to 'remedy' that? Thanks!!


Answer

Dear 'Did I Jump in the Sack Too Soon?'

There are no rules here about when is too soon to have sex. There are people who establish strong, long-term relationships despite the fact that they had sex right away. In other cases, sex too soon, can lead a person to become emotionally attached to someone that isn't right for him or her. We can't be sure yet what the swift sex will mean for you both.

At this point, all you can do is discuss your fears with your partner. Explain that your tremendous attraction to him made you go farther than you would have normally gone. Discuss if he thinks having sex so early could jeopardize the relationship.

It isn't clear whether the fear is coming from you or whether you are picking up vibes from him. You won't be able to decipher this mystery without talking to him.

I wonder if you are also concerned that he won't respect you, or see you as serious marriage material because you were so sexually available?

Many women who sleep with men early on have this fear. Again, is your fear or are you picking up signals from him?

My advise is to talk to him. Lay out, if I may say 'lay,' what are the pros and cons of continuing to have sex so early in the relationship. Once you both put forth your ideas, then come up with a plan that you both agree with. You can always renegotiate the plan as time goes on.

All the best. This relationship sounds very promising.

- Doctor Love

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