Do I Put Out the Wounded Vibe?

What an insightful question! I understand that you want to develop a whole relationship.

The problem is the voice in your head. It is critical and self-attacking and, believe it or not, people pick up on what we think and feel about ourselves. So, basically, the voice in your head is 'skunking' women away from you!

You've asked me to give you behavioral suggestions for how to meet eligible women, but this really isn't the answer for you. You are obviously a very bright man and you know all the ways to meet women. What you do need is a way to master the voices in your head, so they stop tearing you down and ruining your chances with women.

So, let's work on this. To get technical for a moment. You are suffering from what's called a toxic introject. The toxic introject is the voice of a parent who was toxic to you. The tricky thing with introjects is that it is very easy for you to be fooled and think that the voice putting you down in your head is actually your own voice, when it isn't .

I had a patient who had such a harsh toxic introject that she actually tried to kill herself to get away from the constant attack. For some time I asked her who was speaking in her head and she insisted that it was she, herself. It took months until she realized that while the voice sounded like hers the words were never words that she would say to anyone else and this is what made her realize that the voice wasn't hers!

So, your first step is to recognize who is speaking to you. Think back to how your mom and dad spoke and see who the voice in your head sounds like. Maybe it's mom sometimes and dad another time. In any case, each time you hear a self-attack going on in your head, stop dead in your tracks and say, 'Hi, mom (or dad). There you go putting me down again.'

It is very important that you don't try to shut the voice up. If you try to shut it down it will shout louder and you will soon find yourself in a bigger emotional mess! Just identify who is talking to you and that's all. This simple technique is so powerful and so healing that you will find that, in time, the critical voices will disappear all by themselves. Here's why.

The simple fact of stepping back and observing who's talking to you creates a separation between your self and the voices in your head. This separation gradually drives a wedge between you and the poisonous voices and eventually your true self will emerge from the rubble. When you do emerge, women will see how appealing the real you is.

I already know how appealing you are, since I saw the real you. I'm just a little ahead of the rest of the women out there!

Let me know how you do.