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Do You Have Any Advice for a Poor Lost Soul

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 03/22/2004 - 8:00pm
March 22, 2004

Question

I am now 27 years old and have never had a relationship. A few months ago I met this girl through friends. Over a couple months we had spent some time together and it seemed to me that we enjoyed each others company. Last January, near the end of the month, I decided to tell her how I felt about her. She didn't say much, other than she was flattered. I took that to mean that she liked me, but not the same as i liked her.

A week and a half later i received an email from her wondering where I was because we hadn't chatted in a while. Ever since we have been corresponding 3-5 days a week by e-mail or text messages. It seems a little weird that she doesn't talk to me in person a whole lot, but she will talk forever by text or mail. It's like she keeps me close but distant at the same time.

I see her about every other week in person, always with her friends. I invited her to an upcoming basketball game and she was delighted to go. This would be the first time I am ever with just her. I am completely confused. Is this typical of women? Is she stringing me along? Does she want to just be my friend? Does she like me but she is afraid to say it? Is she just too nice to let me be sad?

I can't get over her when we keep communicating, but I don't want to send her away because I don't really know. So many things are going through my head I can't see straight. I should just ask her in person but I don't know exactly what to say.

Do have any advice for a poor lost soul like myself?


Answer

You think you're a poor lost soul, well join the club! Your biggest problem is your lack of confidence. When you label yourself as a poor lost soul, you are hammering your already low self-esteem down another notch.

The fact is you can't understand what this girl feels for you. This isn't a flaw of yours. You aren't a mind reader, and you aren't supposed to be. That's why God gave you a mouth--to speak, and to ask questions. There is no possible way for you to know what's in her head unless she clues you in. Either she's going to blurt it out spontaneously, which she hasn't done so far, or you are going help her to open up and reveal her feelings by talking to you.

There is no hurry here. You are meeting in person for the first time. You can take your time and let the relationship unfold. Show interest in her and ask her questions about herself. Tell her what you find appealing about her and then, little by little, you can begin to ask her the questions that you asked me above. Don't ask them all at once or she's think that you are firing a loaded pistol at her.

When it feels right, ask one question. If she seems open, then ask another. Use your instincts and time the questions. You are obviously a very sensitive person who will make a wonderful partner.

Please let me know how you do with her and if you get stuck, contact me again.

- Doctor Love

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