Does She Love Me or is it Friendship?

August 4, 2010

Question

I am married, 45 years old, loving wife, 2 children. I live alone in a foreign country. My family is in my home country. In my workplace, I came across a married woman. She is one of the prettiest women I have ever seen. We have been working on a project for the last 3 months. Although I was fascinated by her beauty and speech, I did not dare to show any love intentions.  She is a very calm, quiet woman and knows what she is doing. She is married and it is a love marriage. About a few weeks ago, I started noticing her gestures demonstrating high levels of shy feeling, like smiles, looking at me from the corner of her eyes, and sometimes sayings like  "take anything you want", "we will do the other project". The signals, if I may call them that were mixed. When I look at her, she smiles at me and shifts her eyes elsewhere. We have been meeting everyday in my office (except weekends) and work together for 2 hours daily. The country I live in is a very conservative. Her visiting my office has caused rumors in the office. When I told her how some of the colleagues remarked about her coming to office daily and spending time with me, she said 

they are acting "stupid". After a point of time, her face turned red, and that is all. She did not turn up for the past five-six days. I was angry that day, and did not talk with her in the usual manner. The project work which we do together, might proceed, but with interactions not at the levels we were in. I spoke to her over phone and she seemed slightly withdrawn. I am confused. Does she love me? Or is this only my love imagination?

Is This Love or Only my Imagination?


Answer

You asked whether you are imagining that your colleague loves you. It is far too premature for either of you to be in love. You have not established a relationship outside of work. Therefore you can have no idea as to whether you are even compatible let alone capable of loving each other!

It's true that there is physical chemistry between you.   She is clearly attracted to you and she has given you various signals that indicate her feelings: she makes eye contact, blushes, and finds occasions to spend time with you, etc.

The bigger question here isn't whether she loves you but rather why you want to know if she loves you or not. I know you are living separately from your family. You also said that you have a loving wife. I notice that you didn't say whether you love your wife or not.

The real questions to ask are:

Do you want to remain married?

Are you looking to establish a relationship with your colleague?

Do you simply want a sexual affair?

Be clear on what you want, and then proceed honorably.

- Doctor Love


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