Down in the Dumps

There are many things which can interfere with a man's 'Liftoff Potential.'

Some of these causes are physical, such as exhaustion, illness and even hormone imbalances. Other causes are emotional and include school or job worries, relationship problems and most especially, unresolved anger.

You seem to think that your friend's sexual problem is related to you ( 'I 'm not arousing him anymore '. ) You need to do some bedroom detective work (what I call'reading Between the Sheets ') in order to find out if you are correct. To do this, ask your friend (or observe for yourself) if he has 'Morning Stiffness '(erections upon awakening). A normal male will awake with erections and if he doesn't, then he needs to be checked out by a urologist or endocrinologist.

Likewise, during the dream stages of sleep, a healthy male will experience erections. So, you can check him out when he's sleeping or. . . Ask him in a cool, nonjudgmental way, if his problem in getting erect only happens when he's with you. Does he masturbate? And, if so, does he have an erection during 'Self Service?'

Obviously, if he tells you that he can achieve erections alone but can't get hard with you, we are on the road to understanding and solving the difficulty. If he tells you that his problem exists only with you, there are three possible reasons why this would occur:


1. Many males experience periods of impotence, especially after a failed attempt at intercourse. In such cases, 'performance anxiety 'kicks in and the man becomes so frightened to fail that he does fail. This is because, the human body cannot become aroused when a person is nervous or uptight. So, what most couples do when a man can't become erect is to try harder and harder to get him hard. Soon, everybody is focusing intensively on his penis which has become the 'bone'of contention. This intense focus and effort only makes a man scared stiff (or should I say 'unstiff '.) And, soon performance anxiety and impotence is a permanent state of affairs. In order to cure this vicious cycle, you need to take his penis off the program--temporarily. Tell him that intercourse is not allowed and instead, hug, kiss or give each other sensual massages. Remember that intercourse and his penis is off limits and don't allow yourselves to focus on it. You may need to perform this type of non-pressured lovemaking session several times in order to solve the problem for good. Once he gets the idea that he doesn't need to become erect, he will relax and will probably 'rise' to the occasion once again.

2. Make sure that something isn't going haywire in the relationship. Is he upset or angry with you and not putting these feelings into words. This is a sure way to 'get a man down. '

3. Also, see if he feels that something is lacking in the sex department. He may need more variety (different locations or positions). Only he can tell you this. I 'm pretty sure that you're problem is number one (he's scard unstiff. ) This isn't a very 'hard 'problem to solve. Keep me posted and let me know what's up.