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Dying Out Here

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 09/16/2002 - 8:00pm
September 16, 2002

Question

I need some advice ASAP. I am trying to get into the graduate program for counseling at my college. I have already obtained my college degree. I had to change schools because the one before did not have me registered so now I am at a different university and registered for a class 3 weeks after it started. It is a math class that is one of the hardest ones to take and I am failing it.

My parents still want me to get through it but I can't. I don't want to be in school anymore but I do not want to disappoint them because I love them so much. On top of that I have been neglecting my boyfriend totally which has put a tremendous strain on our relationship. Instead of calling me now, he sleeps all the time and never emails me.

I am crabby and moody. I do not know what to do with myself. My parents just helped me move into an apartment down here and I am afraid they will be very disappointed if I tell them I just want to work and see what I want. They want me to do this but what happens if I can't? Help me, I am dying out here. Thanks,


Answer

You are dying because you are in a terrible conflict, which is causing you to suffer great anxiety. The conflict is caused by the fact that you feel torn between doing what you want--taking a break from school and working for a while, and staying in school to please your parents.

You are supposed to be listening to your inner voice and if your parents love you half as much as you love them, then they should be encouraging you to do what your heart tells you to do. You aren't supposed to betray yourself for anyone, no matter how much you love him or her. I have the idea that your parents have been pressuring you to follow their dreams for you for quite some time; they also haven't been listening to you for quite some time.

You need to tell them exactly what you told me. If they still try to shove their agenda down your throat, tell them that you want to have a family therapy session with them. A good therapist should be able to help them to see that they are violating you with all their demands and expectations. You also need to work on standing your ground and not letting them push you around.

As you begin to listen to your own wants and needs and take care of yourself, your anxiety will fade. Let me know how you do.

- Doctor Love

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