The Enabler Who is Growing Weary

Dr. Love,

I am a professional career woman with 4 children and a husband. 3 of my children from a previous marriage. i have been with my husband for 8 years now, i didn't marry him until last year. i was afraid to after the divorce. i did everything backwards with this one. we had a baby, built a beautiful home and then got married.

The problem lies that i have always made a substantial amount of money more than my husband, and i am forever bailing him out of his own financial ruin. i don't feel as though he has learned anything from me about finances and he is 5 years older than myself and i feel he should at least want to start worrying about retirement and security for our children, and he continues to blow money and hide money and lie to me about it. i have paid all of his bills and then made him a plan to help him do it too.

most recently i him know how i feel about finances, i quit my job for a more prosperous one and more time at home and while i am at work i discovered that he took one of my credit cards and in just 2 months put 16,000 on it. This concerns me no matter how much i love him.

I cried to him and told him i could not believe he would do that to me and the kids, and he said he would pay it back. instead of paying it back, he has gotten 2 cards of his own and have racked them up. i feel that this is a unreconcilable situation, due to the amount of times this has happened. yet i feel guilty to my kids if i boot him out. also, it is my credit on the line for the home and the land was his dream since he was a boy and i would feel guilty taking it from him, yet i feel he deserves it and if he had it he could not pay for it.

i feel i have lost all respect for him for this and want to end it, but don't know if this is something i need to wait for him to realize. i feel it is seriously selfish on his half and after 8 years there is going to be no change, because i have enabled him to rely upon me.