Extremely Jealous

I know you believe that you have gotten over being cheated on, but the fact that you still fear that your boyfriend will become involved with another girl means that you haven't gotten over 'it.' When a person can't let go of a feeling or issue, it's because he/she is traumatized.

The mind's way of trying to heal the trauma is to keep returning to the scene of the emotional crime. In other words, your becoming upset, fearful, and jealous is your mind's way of bringing you back to the pain that you experienced when he cheated on you. Your mind will keep bringing you back to this place in order to work through the pain and heal you.

The question you need to ask yourself is what do I need in order to heal completely? Do you need to talk with your boyfriend and share your real feelings about what he did? Do you need your boyfriend to patiently listen and understand how you feel about his actions? Do you need your boyfriend to understand that the fallout of his cheating is your lingering fear that he will cheat again?

When your boyfriend says to you, 'you don't trust me,' he isn't taking the time to figure out why you might still have a problem trusting him! He needs to understand that you will always continue to be mistrustful until he gives you a sense that he has grown and changed. In other words, you need to hear that he has evolved to the point that he will come and talk to you about whatever he doesn't like about what you're doing or not doing, instead of acting on his discontent by cheating on you.

Until he convinces you that will talk to you the next time he is discontent with you (and, yes, periodic discontent is a given in long term relationships) rather than act out by cheating, you will naturally continue to be nervous that he will cheat again. So, as you can see, the problem isn't only yours. He needs to work with you in the way I described above in order for you to be able to let go of your fear and jealousy.