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Friends, Sexual Friends or Just Get the Hell Outta My Life

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 05/17/2004 - 8:00pm
May 17, 2004

Question

I have a big dilema. I've beenfriends with this woman for about 6 yrs now. We have quite a history together. I got caught in bed by my ex girlfriend with her. We didnt talk up until March '03.

Then we started seeing each other and became really good friends. We even had sex more often than none. It was ok for us to see other people. . . . . . . . at first. Then I developed more feelings for her and wanted to stay exclusive but she doesnt want to, stating that she does not know what she wants right now (which I can respect).

But here's my problem. How do I turn off these feelings and still be her friend at the same time. Its gonna kill me if she is with somebody and thinks im ok with it. It really hurt when she recently told me she made out with a guy at a party.

I acted like it didnt bother me but it did. I really want either one thing or the other. But, how do I go about selecting the right choice?

Friends or Sexual friends or Just get the Hell outta my life??????????


Answer

What a good question. The first thing you need to accept is the fact that you can't turn off your feelings under any circumstances. Don't even try, since you will fail. The only time that feelings stop is when you're dead!

You said that you can't tolerate the idea of her sleeping with other men as well as you, which means that you are fooling yourself if you think that being 'sexual friends' will work for you. At this point you need to ask yourself only one question. Given the fact that she doesn't want a sexually exclusive relationship, what will feel best for you.

To have sex with her and be tormented knowing that she's with others or to give up the sexual part of your relationship and just be friends. Obviously no choice is going to be perfect since you can't have the kind of relationship that you want with her.

This being said you need to see to it that whatever you decide keeps you in your comfort zone as much as possible. If ending all contact is most comfortable, then that 's what you will need to do.

I'll be interested to know what you decide.

- Doctor Love

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