Good feeling about things, but not sure of what to do

January 22, 2007

Question

Hi, I am 23 years old.  I recently started talking to this girl who is 20 years old.  When she and I started talking she had just broken up with her boyfriend of 8 months.  Since this, we have talked a lot, several hours a day, mostly on the phone, and we really get along well. 

She has made it clear that she is interested in me as a potential boyfriend, but at the same time doesn't want to push things too fast because of her breakup, which is understandable.  Well, our conversations have progressed a lot from just life in general to dating, me comforting her about her ex and why he did what he did, and so on.  We have a date planned for a week from now, which will be 3 weeks after her break up with her ex. 

She and I really connect when we are talking and have made it clear we have interest in each other, but I am not sure what to think about this first date.  It's just a simple movie date just to start things off and what not.  How should I approach this date? She thinks I am a gentleman, funny, and very handsome and someone she would like, but that's not what I am worried about. 

Do you think there is any chance that she may be ready to hold hands, or even share a goodnight kiss?  Should I just lay low and not press my luck, or do you think I should just go with the moment and if it feels right?  I hope this finds you soon, and it's not too confusing.  Thank you very much for your help!


Answer

Your question isn't confusing at all. Your instincts are right. You can't plan ahead of time how to play this date and decide ahead of time whether to holds hands or kiss. You need to go with what feels right.

What you can do is talk to her ahead of time about what you sense is her reluctance to go too fast. Tell her that you want to respect where she's coming from and not rush her. At the same time, tell her that you like her and ready to deepen the relationship if and when she feels ready. Then ask her how you will know that she's ready.

Will she tell you? Does she want you to sense her and if you get it wrong, will she tell you? The two of you have been very open with each other to this point. You've both shared your feelings quite honestly, so just continue doing what you both do so well and you'll be fine.

- Doctor Love


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