A Good Man is Hard to Come By

You have asked me two questions. What's his problem and do you have a future?

This guy seems absolutely terrified to become too close to you. He holds back physically by not penetrating you, and he avoids getting together for extended periods of time when you are both free. He is scared stiff, well not literally, but in every other way.

Your second question, do you have a future, is a funny thing to ask considering that you really don't have a present with this man. I mean that there is no working relationship at present and so I wonder why you want a future with a man who gives you so little in the present. He drops by now and then for a quick grope or rings you up for a phone fling, but otherwise you are nowhere with him.

At this point, you have a couple of options. You can deal with the matter head on. To do this you would describe his various distancing behaviors and then tell him that he seems to be afraid to get too close. When he says that he's afraid that you are'too good to be true, ' what he is really saying is that he expects to be let down again. His fear is surely based on his previous disappointment with his ex. He probably thought that things would work out with her and his hopes were dashed when the relationship fell apart. Life has taught him that what seems good at first never lasts. He is expecting the same to happen with you: you are going prove too good to be true, and he is going to be disappointed again.

He needs to talk about exactly how he expects you to disappoint him and what about your relationship he fears won't last. Get him talking about his feelings, his past relationship, and his first family, where he was surely disappointed. If he digs deeply enough, he will discover that the feeling that nothing good can last stems all the way back to childhood. Someone or something disappointed him terribly and programmed him to expect that nothing good can last. If you can get him talking about what he is afraid of, then you will be able to better assess whether this man is broken beyond repair. If he is willing to own his issues and work them through, then you have a hope of a future. If he is in denial and won't engage in honest discussion, then you are nowhere with him.

Meanwhile, you need to examine your belief that good men are hard to find at your age. You, yourself, may have issues about whether or not you truly deserve a good man who can give his all to you. If you are used to being disappointed, then you may also be afraid of getting too close to another person. If this is so, you may keep yourself at a safe distance by falling for a guy who needs space and by holding on to the belief that a person your age can't find a good man.

Good men are out there, if you are ready to embrace them. If you examine and resolve your own intimacy fears, you will be surprised to find that Mr. Right may just be waiting around the corner.