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He Hasn't Gone South in Ages

Submitted by Anonymous on Sun, 06/17/2001 - 8:00pm
June 17, 2001

Question

Dear Dr. Love,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months, I was the 1st person he has ever been with. It took him till about 6 months to perform oral sex on me, I figure because he was insecure as to how. He has not done it since, and the only reason I can think of why is because I stopped him after like 3 minutes because I felt extremely uncomfortable. I feel he might think that he was not good or that he did not do it right.

We have a great sex life otherwise, but I would really like him to please me orally. I am open to any suggestions, please help.


Answer

I think that your assumption is probably accurate--that he assumed that you stopped him because he wasn't doing a good job. The only way to deal with this issue is head on (if I may say).

You need to tell him that you think that he misinterpreted the reason for your stopping him (that his technique was poor), which wasn't the case (giving him a word of encouragement will motivate him to try again). Then explain that the actual reason for your stopping him was because you were feeling self-conscious.

Finally, tell him that you are feeling more comfortable with him now and that you'd like him to try again. Give him the proper explanation for your behavior along with a vote of confidence (by saying that his technique was fine) and he should be heading south in no time.

- Doctor Love

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