He is Making No Moves to Get a Divorce

If you read over your letter to me, you will see a woman who is allowing herself to be bullied. He won't leave his wife, is emailing other women--as a prelude to dating, I presume--and yet he dares to tell you that you can't see other men! I suspect that you are putting up with his tyranny because you don't want to lose him. This man smells that you are coming from a weak position and this, unfortunately, has aroused his own manipulative, sadistic impulses. He is actually torturing you and you are letting him eat you alive. I can tell you all sorts of things to say or do to put your foot down and all of this will be useless until and unless you understand the source of and resolve your own masochistic tendencies. So ask yourself why you allow this man to walk on you. Are you afraid to be alone? Do you tend to bow to others instead of assert yourself? How does your behavior relate to your history? Was your mother a doormat? Was she battered? Were you battered? Figuring out why you are not setting limits, asserting yourself, and so on, then you can go on to resolving the pattern. When you have grown to the point of being ready to take care of yourself, then and only then will you be ready to tell him the ground rules: until he's left his other relationship, you will be dating other men and if he doesn't like it then you will end the relationship is over. Your goal is to grow to the point that you do not allow anyone to dictate to you or tell you the way your life is going to be. You must become master of your destiny or perish.