He Never Drives to Your House

Pain and chronic illness drains a person's life force, and it sounds like your guy is too depleted to give very much to you. You seem to be taking his behavior as a sign that he doesn't care for you. The fact that he hasn't introduced you to his parents adds to your sense of rejection.

The real question here is: is this guy so drained that he has nothing left for a relationship or is he using the arthritis as an excuse to create distance. The key to your problem with him, I think, lies in the fact that you are taking his not coming over personally--as a sign that he doesn't care for you. If you could see your way clear to not personalizing his behavior; if you could interpret his behavior as a sign of his being tapped out and nothing more, then you might be surprised to find that the relationship improves.

It's possible that you are locked in a power struggle with him. If this is true, then the more you pressure him to visit you, the more he feels pressured and angry and less inclined to give you what you want. If you stop leaning on him, he will feel less resentful of you and more inclined to give you what you want--including coming over. If you make this shift and he still doesn't come around, then we can assume that the pain he is in is truly disabling him.

It's hard to imagine how frightening chronic pain is if you haven't experienced it. A person becomes almost phobic about leaving his familiar surroundings and terrified of missing sleep, since lack of sleep makes the pain worse. I hope that he has explored all avenues for solving his pain. Acupuncture works miracles for millions.

Also, believe it or not, there is a direct link between bowel problems, food allergies, and joint pain. If the integrity of the bowel becomes compromised (called intestinal permeability or leaky gut syndrome) food particles, instead of exiting the body, end up getting reabsorbed through the bowel wall. This debris ends up irritating joints and causing inflammation. Current research has also shown a link between bowel infections (yeast infections, bacterial overgrowths, and parasitic infections) and joint pain. There is also a link between elevated insulin levels and joint inflammation.

He would be wise to see a good holistic doctor who can examine his bowel function as well as determine whether he has food allergies, bowel infections, and/or blood sugar problems. The bottom line is, he may not get better and may not be able to give more than he gives.

If you want to keep this man, you are going to need to shift how you interpret his behavior so that don't take his disability personally and accept what he gives. After you feel less personally wounded by his not coming over, you may find that you are actually more comfortable wit him. If you can't make peace with his limitations, then he isn't right for you.