Heartbroken in T. O.

I am sorry that your heart was broken. You have been seriously mistreated. What is most awful is that he sprang the news and the break up on you without warning. Surely he had doubts that had been building for a while. Instead of clueing you in, he waited until his decision was made. That's treating you like an object that he discarded.

I know you are heartbroken. How come you aren't burning mad? You have asked me to help you understand what could have happened to him. You mentioned that he said he no longer feels that 'thing'that he felt in the beginning of your relationship.

t is possible that he is misguided. That thing, the hot, driving passion of a new relationship often mellows. When the feelings settle down, many people mistakenly think that they have fallen out of love.

Other causes for a loss of feeling can include depression, stress, unrecognized anger, fear of intimacy, fear of dependency, and/or fear of commitment.

I don't think he has a clue as to what emotions are brewing inside himself. And, believe me, time away from you will not help him develop insight. Unless he goes into therapy, he will remain as clueless in a year as he is today.

He has told you not to wait around for him. He is calling all the shots so far.

How about you taking charge. Tell him what I said about his being driven by feelings of which he isn't even conscious. Encourage him to slow-down and get conscious before he breaks up with you. He can always break up down the road. Tell him that when a person feels the need to act (in this case to break up) it is often to escape feelings that are intolerable. The action temporarily eases whatever pressure exists inside, but the problem still remains.

Whatever caused him to cool off with you will erupt in his future relationships. What's he going to do? Break up again and again? I have given you a lot of information. I hope he stays put and figures out what is going on with him.