Help Please

December 9, 2009

Question

Dear Dr. Love,I am having problems dealing with my situation. This girl facebook chatted me randomly one day. We began to become friends. Talked everyday through text message. Then we began to call each other and talk on the phone. This girl asked if I liked her. And she got the vibe I was talking to her just because I was bored. It was somewhat true, but as time progressed I started to really like her. As her liking for me decreased slightly. We have only hung out one time just me and her also. So it's basically an emotional connection which I love.

She texts me one morning saying I did something bad last night. She ended up having sex with this other kid. I was mad but I continued to talk to her. As she began to talk to this kid but just as friends kinda. This went on for about 3 weeks. And she felt conflicted over choosing the right guy. She knows I am more the relationship type and I'd be a great boyfriend. But also the kid she had sex with doesn't know me and her talk. Which put me in a bad spot because I was pressuring her kind of. She ended up telling me one day. I can't do this to myself. We'll talk someday.

I continued to be friends with her and she would randomly sends me texts saying I miss you and stuff. The other day I just couldn't take it anymore and I said don't talk to me, and I deleted her number and facebook. But I still like her. I also have a strong gut feeling that she will break up with him soon, and a part of me wants to be there to pick her up. But this is where I need advice. Should I try to be friends with her again but just not talk to her as much. And just wait until they break-up. Or should I just never talk to her again? Any help is much appreciated. Thank you.


Answer

There are no shoulds or shouldn'ts when it comes to your emotional life. There is one exception: You SHOULD take care of yourself, treat yourself well and make sure that you are comfortable. Whatever you decide to do with this girl, make yourself as comfortable as you can be.

I am worried that this girl is jerking your chain. She sounds immature, not clear on what she wants and more than a little impulsive especially in the way she slept with the other guy who she doesn't seem particulary attached to. I'm not sure that your heart will be safe with her. She doesn't seem as ready for a committed relationship as are you.

Since you say you still like her and want her back, then I think you should be honest and tell her where you're coming from. Tell her that you like her and want to be with her. Then tell her that you don't want to be the other guy. You don't want to be her friend and listen to her talking about another guy. If and when she's single, tell her to contact you. My recommended communication is making your position clear while protecting yourself at the same time.

Good luck.

I hope she comes around!

- Doctor Love


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