He's Dying and Shutting You Out

I am so sorry to hear that you are losing your beloved boyfriend. The fact is that you have no choice but to allow him to close out his life as he chooses; but, we need to be sure that he is being truthful about what he actually wants.

When he asks you to stay away, I wonder if that 's what he really wants or whether he is only saying this in order to protect you from pain. In order to clarify, you need to have a in debth talk with him and ask him if he is making the request for himself or for you. If he truly believes that it would be better for him to break contact with you, then you will have no choice but to respect his wishes.

If, however, he is asking you to stay away because he thinks that it will be easier for you, he needs to know that this is completely wrong and that not allowing you to be with him in his final days is the most horrible and painful thing that he can ask of you. You might also point out that his death affects both of you. Yes, he needs to make peace with his own impending death, but you need to come to terms with losing him. You would like him to consider your feelings as well as his own. Perhaps he doesn't feel that he can handle the burden of your own grief on top of his own.

If so, let him say that. If this is true, then you can deal with your feelings elsewhere (talking with friends, family, priests or a therapist) so that you don't burden him with your own feelings of pain. I hope that you succeed in helping him to find a way of making space for you throughout his dying process. Let me know what transpires after your heart to heart talk.