How Can I Beat My Shyness?

You have two separate issues. The first is the way you freeze up due to your fear of rejection. The second is deciding if you want to proceed with this particular guy that you like.

Let’s start with your fear of rejection. As you’ve probably realized by now, your defense mechanism (freezing up and playing dead) is your psyche’s way of protecting you. Unfortunately, the defense is actually backfiring on you (as all defense mechanisms do!) in that it is going to bring about your worst fear and get you rejected!

Let’s face the fear head on and ask yourself what’s the worst that will happen if you get rejected?You certainly won’t die! Yes, it will hurt a bit, but nobody ever died from emotional pain. We just get stronger when we face our feelings rather than run from them. Besides, you already know what it feels like to be alone and feeling rejected. This is your life already.

You also want to consider focusing less on yourself and more on the other person. When you focus on him, and make a point of asking interested questions and telling him what you like and admire about him, rejection won’t even be an issue. You’ll be so appealing that rejection will be the last thing on his mind. Now as for whether or not this guy is right for you. I know you’re intensely attracted to him, but I’m worried that your heart may get broken by him because he’s such a player.

Here’s a novel concept…Instead of putting your heart in his hands and giving him all the power to like you or not, reject you or not; why don’t you put yourself in the driver’s seat and put your heart in your own hands. Instead of you worrying about whether he’ll reject you, how about putting him on notice and letting him know that you aren’t sure if he’s right for you.

This move will put you in charge and put him off balance (maybe you’ll reject him). Let him convince you that he’s worthy of you! Tell him that you’ve heard he’s a player and while you’re very attracted to him, you don’t date players. Let him convince you that he’s not! An independent woman is a very appealing woman.

I’m not suggesting that you take this approach as a technique or trick. I really want you to take charge of your life rather than be a passive and fearful observer in your own world. In this way, you aren’t worried about whether he’ll reject you.

You’re only thinking about whether he’s a keeper or not. Let me know what happens.