How Do I Not Send Mr. Fantastic Running?

Dear Dr. Love, First, I think you are terrific. You help a lot of people. Thank you.

I've recently gotten out of a relationship with a beast. He was fantastic in bed but that was pretty much the only good part of the relationship which lasted over a year. He wasn't funny. We didn't have much in common to talk about. The courting part was nice of couse, but the rest was hell. He withheld kindness, intimacy and was basically an emotional popisical. I made all sorts of excuses for him and became tolerant of what I now recognise as abusive bahavior and convinced myself (at the time) that if I could become stronger and tougher, that it woud be ok, he would love me and I'd get what I wanted.

I really put this schmuck on a pedistal for a while. As a kid, I was terrorized by a real a-hole of a step-dad who's specialty was being sneaky, stalking and predatory spying to try to catch my supposed misbehavior. I decided he was an idiot at the sage age of 5 and I think he might have figured it out somewhere along the line. So there is that in my history as well at a tendency to not be able to have just one drink. Once I have a teeny buzz, I just want to amplify it and make it last for a little while longer. . . . So I'm already careful about drinking. And I know that I got myself into a nasty little 'I'll just be this guys punching bag for a while and hope it turns into true love' kind of thing.

I'm happy to say that if I ever see the guy again (and I'm avoiding the places where I might see him) I'd probably have a terrific fantasy about putting my fist through his head while doing my best to let him know as little as possible about what is really going on in my life right now. My question is when, if ever, am I going to be able to accept love and not be fearful of just junking myself in the process. I have my own life and friends and I'm getting a pretty good & fitting career for myself. I tend to be easy going, funny but have moderate social anxiety which is always quickly calmed when I discover that in general, most people are cool. I try to breach most barriers with humor. When I decide a guy is cute and funny enough to flirt with, I have no problems with flirting, but if I ever really start to think about the guy, I fill it all with betrayal fantasies.

I think I have a teeny little problem with TRUSTING men. When and how do I get it together? I'm not lonely or depressed and I know there are plenty of fish in the sea but I'm 28 and starting to get this magnetic pull from all the little kids I see. I'm going to need a hubby to make my own and I want to do it all right.

How do I not send Mr. Fantastic running because I get unnecessairly suspicious or end up with Mr. Beast because I already know how to be a punching bag? I guess that is two questions. I'd be greatly appreciative.