How to Find a Happy Medium

The way to handle your problem is to temporarily put aside your goal of finding a happy medium, which is a behavioral shift; rather, you need to focus on understanding and working through the feelings that are being evoked in your son when you sleep with men. When he feels better, the solutions will come.

To start the ball rolling simply say to him, 'I have noticed that you are pretty mad at me when I bring a man home for the night and I want to understand your feelings. Can you explain them to me?' No matter what he says, listen, understand, and don't try to talk him out of his feelings in any way. You may be surprised by what he tells you.

He may feel angry that you are sleeping with more than one man. He may feel mad that you are no longer with his father. He may be jealous of your lovers. Yes, jealous. Just because he's your son doesn't mean that he doesn't also have sexual feelings toward you. Your sleeping with other men under his nose may be overwhelming to him either because it awakens his own feelings for you or because he feels competitive with your lovers.

Keep in mind that feelings aren't wrong or right, moral or immoral. They are irrational and simply need to be accepted. The sheer fact of your respecting how he feels about your behavior will go a long way toward helping him to let go of his own resentment. Above all, don't try to take his feelings away from him. That will make him hold to them even more tightly.

After you have thoroughly listened and understood him, then ask him if he feels ready to hear where you're coming from (no pun intended). If he says yes, then tell him that you need to have a sex life and you want to work with him on finding a way to be true to your own needs while respecting his feelings. Ask him if he has any suggestions.

As long as you both are talking, you will be able to resolve the situation to your mutual satisfaction. Remember, the key is to focus on the feelings and not try to prematurely force a solution onto the situation. Oftentimes understanding the feelings is the solution.