Home › How Long Should I Wait?

How Long Should I Wait?

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 08/06/2007 - 7:00pm
in
August 6, 2007

Question

Hi, during my studies at the university I met a guy in my class. Soon, he became my best friend. We used to go everywhere together, eat together, go to parties together. When everyone asked us if we are dating we used to tell them no we are best friends.

When we finished the university I felt that I loved him. I tried to show him & he knew about it, but neglected the situation. He wanted to keep me his best friend. one day my friend saw him hugging a girl & he told her that it was his girlfriend. She told me & I told him why didn't you tell me?

I asked him to not talk with me and for 3 years we didn't talk to each other. I met lots of guys but I didn't love them. After the 3 years, he phoned me. He was crying. He told me that his father was dead. I gave him my support as usual. Then we didn't talk to each other for 1 year.

For the past 10 months we've been going out together. He told me that he's met lots of girls but I'm the best & that he's started to look at me as a woman and not his sister or best friend. He kissed me several times. He knows that he is the guy that I want to marry me. He tells me to live him & stay with him.

He's never told me I love you or marry me. How long shall I wait? I'm now 27. I'm afraid that the time will pass & I'll be alone in the end.


Answer

There are no rules when it comes to how long you should wait. You have to follow your heart.

I was surprised to read that you're worried about ending up alone. I had thought you were going to say that you'd end up living with him forever without his asking you to marry him. I wonder why you think you'll end up alone. Do you think that he'll drop you if you press him for marriage? Do you think you'll end up giving up on him one day? Would you be comfortable telling him what you told me?

Tell him what your deepest fears are. Ask him to share his. Ask him how he feels about you. Does he love? If so, why does he hesitate to say so. Ask him how he feels about marrying you? What are his hesitations? In other words, lay your cards on the table. The good thing about putting your feelings out is that you will have a much better sense of where he's coming from. In addition, talking will help him to sort out his own feelings. If he has any blocks, which I'm sure he does, talking is the primary way of resolving them.

So, before you set any deadlines for him or for yourself, start talking. You will have a much better sense of how to proceed when you here from him. If, for example, he says, he never wants to marry, then you'll know and you can act accordingly. If he says that he's afraid to marry, then let him say why.

If he's interested in knowing more about himself, my Personality Profile consultation will help him to identify the wounds that are preventing him from loving you fully. You might also be interested in using this same consultation to find out why you are attached to a man who is so hard to get. Please let me know how you progress.

- Doctor Love

Did you find this article helpful, informative, inspiring?

If so, please help me keep this site alive and growing by spreading the word to others or checking out my books and programs. You can:

  • Share this

Syncrohearts Board Game