I Have Had a Crush on my Friend

July 20, 2010

Question

 

Hi,

I have had a crush on one of my friends (Timo) for a while, but when I finally was going to tell him I found out he had a girlfriend. I was happy for him but at the same time I felt like I missed my chance.

It wasn't long until I met a guy (Max) who happened to have seen me at work most days and had a massive crush on me. After we hung out a few times and got to know each other I started to like him more and more, but I still had my guy friend in the back of my mind...

I found out that he recently broke up with his girlfriend and I received an email from him asking me how things were with Max and if I'm still keen.

Now... my question is: What does he mean? Does Timo like me? What should I do?

 


Answer

 

It's clear to me that if Timo is asking you if you're still keen, he either means are you still keen on him or are you still keen on your boyfriend. In either case, he's saying that he's interested in you. It would seem to me that Timo is shy. I say this because he didn't come out and say directly that he's free and keen on you. Rather he wants to know how you feel. Timo is also afraid of rejection.

Since we know that Timo is interested in you, the big question is what do you want to do with this information. Are you prepared to break up with your current boyfriend and go to Timo?

It's not my place to tell you what to do. If you have decided that you would rather be with Timo, then you would come up with a response that takes into account the fact that he's shy and afraid of rejection. You might consider a light and playful response, which would be non-threatening. You could say, "Are you asking if I'm still keen on you or if I'm still keen on my boyfriend? That should "flesh" him out and lead him to tell you directly that he's interested in you.

If you do break up with your current boyfriend, please make sure to be kind and considerate of his feelings. Let him leave the relationship holding his head high.

Let me know what happens.

- Doctor Love


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