I Only Want Her

Everyone should be so lucky to be loved by someone like you. I understand that you are nervous about finding out that she's unavailable. The problem here is that you are trying to protect yourself from disappointment using a common defense mechanism--avoidance. Hanging back will protect you from the disappointment of finding out that she isn't free, but what type of harm does the avoidance bring to you?

For one thing, it prevents you from finding out that she might be free! It also puts you in the position of berating yourself down the line for never having mustered the courage to find out. Plus, chickening out is surely going to damage your self-esteem, which will have lasting painful effects. You need to weigh out all the pros and cons of this avoidance behavior and decide which is worse: to possibly have some pain now (if you find that she's not free), versus living for the rest of your life with the pain of not having even tried.

I also have to wonder if there is a part of you that is afraid to actually connect with her. Loving her from afar and swearing to be true to only her is far safer than actually being intimate with someone. You might want to explore what you gain by staying in love with a dream woman rather than making a real connection with her or someone else.