I'll Make My Move If

January 8, 2007

Question

My name is Jon and I am 20 years old.

To make a long story short, Leanne and I dated for a very short period of time over two years ago. Things didn't go well and we went our separate ways.

For the next two years, we would run into each other by chance and finally we keep in contact. It all started when she called me a week later to wish me happy b-day. Now we have been talking on the phone for the past 3 months about 4-5 times a week.

When we do talk she usually talks about 80% of the time almost non-stop and I spend most of the time listening. I would end conversations earlier than I would like to talk to her because I don't want to get too attached yet (protecting myself from falling too deep in 'love' with her).

I just have this gut feeling that she truly likes me romantically. She would often mention old times like our first date, things that I gave her long long ago, etc. For some reason she finds a way to bring the situation up.

We hung out three times usually just talking on the phone. When we do go out, she would occasionally touch me in some way when we are talking. I don't know if it's accidental or maybe it's just nothing or it means something.

Before I didn't want to make a move because of the bf, but now I'll make a move if there is obvious signs that she likes me romantically.


Answer

You are conflicted about whether or not you want to become romantically involved with this girl.

I know you say that you would make a move if you were sure that she likes you romantically. It's obvious she does. She's dropping hints the size of boulders right on the top of your head! These hints include reminiscing about past dates and gifts you've given her. Notice she remembers everything about your past together. This means that you are important to her. She also touches you, which is an intimate gesture that says she wants to be closer to you.

The real issue here is that you are afraid and protecting yourself from 'falling too deep in 'love' with her.' Do you know why you're afraid to fall for her? Are you afraid that your love won't be returned, hence your need to be reassured that she likes you romantically.

When you understand this resistance, you will be on the path to overcoming it. Then, and only then, will you be ready to ask her out. It's clear to me that the only obstacle to a romantic involvement is you.

- Doctor Love


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